- Art and Contemplative Spirituality

The Courage to Be – Part 3

This old turtle is probably the oldest play thing in our public park. It hasn’t changed over the years. I played on it as a kid, I have brought my children and grandchildren to play on it. I am still fascinated with its caricature and simplicity.

Unlike this turtle, we come into this world as body, mind, and spirit. We experience constant forces of change. So why do we tend to fight change often “to the death?” We resist even when we acknowledge areas of our life that need to change for our own good?

The particular change that I am speaking is best described by a Greek term “metanoia.” which essentially means “to go beyond our present thought – which we construct and base our lives.”

I can think of two forms of change agents, ie. internal and external, that effect metanoia. Our personal will is an “internal” force. And when we are kind to ourselves, our will moves us through a less complicated and less painful metanoia.

Then there are “external” events, outside of our control that violently shatters our illusions of self and our future. Such as when we experience traumatic events of violence or the loss of a loved one, and we are forced into an emotional and mental deconstruction of our present sense of self and our environment. It is when we painfully learn how much of our thought about personal security and our future – was simply a mental fantasy.

These forced deconstructions are much more difficult to overcome. They tend to drive us into a dark corner to hide from ourselves and others. It is our personal jail and we are too scared to come out, …we are simply dying a slow death. In psychological terms, we are faced with a fight or flight response. We will not heal from emotional pain that invariably comes to all of us if we hide from it, to heal we must face it and allow ourselves to feel it. There is a quote I remember from long ago, and I don’t remember the author so I will paraphrase, to move through the pain of grief, one must savor it as though one is sipping on a glass fine wine.

Grief is to be felt, not ignored. And part of the process of healing from grief is allowing oneself to remain open and vulnerable to others through time. It is also helpful to fill the loss with some “thing” by gifting yourself with what offers you new life by stepping in to any unfulfilled passions and interest that you have yet realized in our life. In simpler words, what have you always wanted to experience but haven’t? To step into it is the act of creating anew.

It is beyond me to fully understand why people (even institutions) do harm to self and to others. Some have postulated it is because we are all “imperfect” people but that only sounds like a rationalization or a position of tolerance to evil. If it is truly a part of our human condition to hurt ourselves and others, does the scale of harm have to be so great? I think not.

I know that I have hurt others through my own ignorance and hopefully not so great that it was not easily overcome. I have also been hurt deeply by others. I do not for a moment think that I am alone in this reality of living life. At the same time, I do not wish to live my life as a perpetual victim.

Metanoia means that it is possible “to go” through the pain in this life and find something anew on the others side. I do not have to stay in the same place nor do I want to. I choose my life to be in constant movement toward God (and others) in my true being. This does take forgiveness which is the choice to “letting go” of the past, anticipating the future, and being attentive to the present. It is the act of metanoia.

We can recognize a much larger scheme at work in our lives once we recognize that the passion, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ is also the movement in our own life. Not that the passion and death is easy, but that no matter what death we experience in this life, even our little deaths, there will always be for us – new life, …always.

The featured image is a recent photo. Maybe, it’s time to name my old endeared friend, any thoughts?

The Courage to Be – Part 2

I typically do not memorize quotes but one that has stuck with me is “No Man is an Island,” which is a book title by Trappist Monk Thomas Merton. My ego likes to convince me that I am independent and can stand alone but this is a lie. Merton’s quote continues to check my ego. Truth is that I need others not only to survive, but thrive.

In a broader sense that is true for all of us, if it were not for societies and organizations we would live a very limited existence. We observe others and we learn by living with others and by living like them. We ought not discount the value of secular society with its own government and leaders nor in the spiritual realm of church, as the People of God, which is also constituted as a society governed by church leaders.

Our instinctual desire and need to belong has its blessings as well as disadvantages. Fortunately, we do not gain eternal damnation due to the sins of others and less so, do we gain eternal life because of another. Each individual needs to work out his own personal identity and salvation. So what are we to do as individuals within a society or corporate body when the actions of its leadership or membership goes against the gospel?

To illustrate, …you are a mid-level manager and long time employee of a company. In a few more years you will be eligible for a retirement pension. You find out that for years your beloved company has been dumping toxic chemicals in a river that supplies drinking water for a community. When this becomes public it also exposes a corporate cover up. The criminal act and corporate deception violates your own ethos. What do you do? You yourself have done no wrong but since you are a member of the corporate body, you are complicit in its sickness. What is your course of action, …where does your subservience or obedience to corporate leadership lay?

Now, whether in the secular or spiritual realm, it is hardly a moot issue for St Paul in 1 Cor 12:25-26 states, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. To act as though we are clean members and others are dirty members changes nothing. Corporate sickness, committed by a few, covers all its members.

Have you ever wondered why an organization or institutional culture is the way it is, even though everyone acknowledges that it needs to change? It is simple, it is the way it is because the people who have the authority to change it – do not want to change it. It is foolish to think that the leadership which created the culture and chooses to maintain the status quo has any will or ability to change it. The primary act of an institution is to protect itself, even those who profess to exist only to do good works.

Authentic leadership is about, “walking the talk,” and not “talking the walk.” I am quite convinced that “Everything rises or falls on leadership. When leadership fails it first tries shift blame or focus elsewhere. And until the culture holds leadership accountable to walk the walk, before talking – nothing changes.

Regarding obedience, I was once asked two questions, the first, “Does obedience come easy for you, or is it a struggle?” My response was that my obedience is a constant struggle.

To the second question, “To whom would you say you are obedient, and how? I responded in the following:

In an autocratic hierarchy, obedience is viewed as a top down expectation from superior to subordinate as though it is a one way street. In truth and justice, obedience is a two way street which holds equal responsibility regardless of position held in hierarchy. Obedience to authority has it place but it also has its limit and can be evidenced by Jesus’ challenge to the secular and religious authorities of his day.

Personally, I accept that obedience is necessary within institutional hierarchy and governance. Its absence usually means chaos. My father’s autocratic parenting as well as my military service was a good lesson and went far in keeping me safe and helping me to mature. Although, as I have grown, I’ve learned that Servant Leadership, rather than autocratic leadership is a higher form in which to aspire. It is (by far) more difficult to exercise but, by all accounts it is the form of service we see by Jesus in the gospels.

Whether one is a corporate superior or subordinate, the first step to understanding “healthy” obedience is to give primacy to the gospel allowing it to conform our life and actions to Christ. And yes, it will come with the cross.

I’ll close with a reference from St. John Paul II, “When a person is touched by the Word, …obedience is born, that is listening, … which changes life” (Orientale lumen 10).

Here the pope is not saying “Shut up and follow my Orders!” he is saying, “Listen to the Word of God, and you will fulfill your vow of obedience.”

My response; “Wow!”

There is a natural laziness that moves us to accept the easiest solutions in life. In the secular example above, it is easiest to be silent and subservient to institutional power and the cultural group think. On the other hand, it takes a great courage (that does not come easy) to live obedient to the gospel of Jesus Christ. But this is our baptism call.

The featured image is a collage representing my struggle to not become lost in any aspect of corporate culture that fails the gospel.

The Courage to Be – Part 1

It is good to have an ego but an exaggerated egoic mind constantly bombards us with a self-centered fantasy working to convince us with an image of we are in comparison to others – this “false” image maker never stops.

In addition, people around us will sometimes tell us who they think we are but mostly they keep their thoughts to themselves. It becomes their little secret to wage love and war. No matter who we are or what we do – some people will appreciate, some will dislike but most will just be indifferent.

The internal messages we tell ourselves and the self-projections that others put on us easily influence us and are powerful motivators for good and bad. We are all susceptible, but to allow one’s life to be dominated or driven by an exaggerated ego or the self-projection of others is to chase the wind.

Much, if not all of our internal and personal conflicts and conflicts within society and between societies can be traced to a loss of self-identity. It only takes open eyes to know that sin is real and evil is real. We are bombarded constantly with thoughts from within and from outside that we are less than who we were created to to “Be.” But sin is not who we are – sin is who we are NOT. When we lose sight of this, we become lost. And the challenge is to return to the pathway on our journey back to God.

We all live in dysfunction to one degree or another but all creation is “good” and “holy.” Our “origin” is “holy.” We were created in “Original Holiness.”

What I choose to believe is my core essence (and yours) is this:

I am holy.

I was holy.

I was always holy.

I know this to be true because Christ loved me into holiness and gave me the presence of the Holy Spirit.

I am called to holiness by Christ himself, who taught, in the words of St. Matthew, to be “perfect as God is perfect.” By transforming the activities and events of my everyday life into holy moments, I will grow in this perfection and the world will more and more resembles God’s Reign.

“Love God with all your heart,” the Scriptures tell me, “with all your soul, with all your understanding, with all your strength. Love one another as Christ loves you.” These commands in Scripture are really an invitation to be holy. By holy love, I nurture in the world a way of life that is more gentle, more beautiful, more human.

Over and over again, the Scriptures describe what this holiness will resemble: a heart of mercy, humility, meekness, patience, awareness of God’s mercy when I have sinned, and a spirit of forgiveness toward others.

There are many ways for me to live out this call to be holy. I should walk according to my own personal gifts and duties, in the pathway of a living faith. I am to model my life after the apostles, who worked tirelessly for the Gospel. In my sufferings of this life, I am to find holiness in my special relationship with Christ who suffered.

Love is the principal way to holiness. Beyond that and included within it are the sacraments, prayer, the Eucharist, self-sacrifice, service to others, and virtue lived every day. As a faithful imitator of Christ, I am invited to strive for holiness, even perfection.

I pray to hear deeply God’s call within me, observant and appreciative of life’s unique treasures. Let neither the use of things of this world nor attachment to riches hinder me in my quest for perfect love.

This post is the first of a series of short essays titled, The Courage to Be. The core of this particular essay comes from chapter 5 of “Christ is the Light of the Nations” (Lumen Gentium). The source text is rewritten in first person.

The butterfly is considered a Christian symbol for resurrection (new life).

Time does not heal

In the beginning God created heaven and earth. Now the earth was a formless void, there was darkness over the deep, with a divine wind sweeping over the waters. God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light. God saw that light was good, and God divided light from darkness. (Gen 1:1-4)

To explain away some awful event of suffering in the lives of people, I’ve heard (good-minded) people say, “everything happens for a reason,” or “Time heals all wounds.” I do not think so. To think so, is to say that God factored evil acts into his grand plan for us. Just because we experience evil, it would be flawed to think this is how God decided best to direct history. Abba is a life giver, never a destroyer

From the first few verses of Genesis we see that God is the source of (natural) darkness and light.

Evil is the perversion of God’s good gift of free will. It arises from the choices made by imperfect people. So, what we do matters. Also throughout scripture darkness is used as a symbol of sin and its effects. It is often contrasted with light, as a symbol of forgiveness and the presence of God. Important is that God is able to be present and known, even in the darkest aspects of our world.

And the judgement is this: though the light has come into the world people have preferred darkness to the light because their deeds were evil. And indeed, everybody who does wrong hates the light and avoids it, to prevent his actions from being shown up; but whoever does the truth comes out into the light, so that what he is doing may plainly appear as done in God.’ (Jn 3:19-21)

We are all imperfect and wounded in some way. Who has not been on the receiving end of someone’s darkness and who has not harmed another by our own darkness?

Time does not heal, God does. But it does not happen by some kind of spiritual magic or without us. We must enter into our pain to heal.

Jesus declared publicly: Whoever believes in me believes not in me but in the one who sent me, and whoever sees me, sees the one who sent me. I have come into the world as light, to prevent anyone who believes in me from staying in the dark any more. If anyone hears my words and does not keep them faithfully, it is not I who shall judge such a person, since I have come not to judge the world, but to save the world: anyone who rejects me and refuses my words has his judge already: the word itself that I have spoken will be his judge on the last day. For I have not spoken of my own accord; but the Father who sent me commanded me what to say and what to speak, and I know that his commands mean eternal life. (Jn 12:44-50)

To believe in Jesus is to accept that we too will experience the cross in our life which in itself does not make our suffering any easier but challenges us to endure according to the promises of his Word and to know that the gift of eternal life is now.

When I hurt, “…I cry out to Yahweh in my distress; he will rescue me from my plight, he sends out his word and cures me, and rescues my life from the abyss.” (ref Ps 107:19-20)

There is a particular phrase in Matthew’s gospel (Matt 5:38-46);

‘You have heard how it was said, You will love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say this to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you; so that you may be children of your Father in heaven, for he causes his sun to rise on the bad as well as the good, and sends down rain to fall on the upright and the wicked alike.’

In our world, if we are assaulted we don’t turn the other cheek. We fight back, at the very least, demanding restitution and damages for injuries. Justice demands that perpetrators of injustice pay for the offenses committed. In our world, offenses have to be rectified.

In those times that I have been deeply hurt by betrayal from those close to me, I can easily forgive 98% – oftentimes never even taking the offense. For some reason, I always have. But it’s that last 2% of me that wants that person to know (deeply) how much their actions have hurt me. I want them to feel guilty before I fully forgive. That is my form of justice, …but its not of God. There is no such thing as human justice in the kingdom of God because in God’s world there is no such thing as an offense. Think about it.

p.s. Take a moment and pray for those who have persecuted and caused you great pain. If that person has since deceased, instead ask them to pray for you.

Healing will come not because “of time” but “in time.”

I Lift Up My Eyes

“I Lift Up My Eyes Unto the Hills”

Injustices of life, …loss of a spouse, loss of a job, death of a loved one, betrayal, rejection, abandonment, and false accusations by those close to us – bring devastating hurt and grief. Anyone who lives long enough will not escape these personal journeys into the valleys of darkness. The key is to move through it. I remain a victim only if I stay stuck in the valleys.

When I am in these valleys, I keep my faith and hope by reminding myself:

“Hang on to Jesus, my rock, my salvation”

“If I hope to heal, there is work for me. I must walk through, ..not around”

“Accept and share my emotions and feelings, without shame. Allow them to flow”

“Seek the Grace within these events”

“ Accept Jesus’ path through passion, death, and resurrection as the model for my own. Trust there is new life on the other side of these painful moments”

When I catch myself dwelling a bit long in depressive thought and emotion, I sing aloud a portion of Psalm 121. Psalm 121 is the second of 15 OT Songs of Ascents devout Jews must have sung as they made their way to the highlands of Judah, where Jerusalem was located, for the annual feasts.

One major route was the Jericho to Jerusalem route, which followed deep, narrow ravines nearly its entire winding ascent of over 3000 feet. One can easily imagine how this psalm might have been sung by a hopeful but very weary pilgrim. He has been traveling for days. His feet are sore. His muscles ache. Jerusalem, the end of his pilgrimage, seems very distant. Suddenly he sees the hills of Judah in the distance, and he breaks into song.

I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

I’ve only memorized the first stanza but when I sing aloud, …” I lift up my eyes” there comes an uplifting of my entire being of heart, mind, and spirit. I am strengthened in the assurance that the Almighty alone is my one “true” help and salvation. I am never alone.

Click on this text to hear Michael Card’s Psalm 121 interpretation

The audio clip is about 2 minutes in length, the first half is Hebrew, the remainder English

I already knows more…

“I already knows more than I understand”

My closest childhood friend (back in the 60s) was the known as the “smart kid” who enjoyed reading the dictionary. Myself, I was a curious about things but not much into books nor did I consider myself college bound. I was planning a career in the woodworking trade. In my early 20’s all that changed.

At 18, I left home and joined the Navy. By the time I was 21, I had completely circled the globe and no longer limited to a worldview formed by my upbringing. In those four years I opened myself to just about any experience put in front of me. I was being taught by the world, …to which I can now say is not always a good thing. During this time I developed a curiosity of electronics which motivated me to study engineering. While at university, I developed a love of learning that has continued to this day. Books became the means to discover the unknown and gain knowledge.

Since then, no matter what I became involved with, I would ensure that I had a large collection of subject matter books. My books offered easy access to a repository of knowledge which ensured legitimacy to whatever I needed to do, or speak about.

Engineering school developed my analytical abilities but I had never considered how other people viewed my approach to study and learning until a few years ago. One of my cohorts said, you know we both get the same assignments to work on but you always seem to go “5 steps further” than me in response. He said, “I am not criticizing, it’s all good.” He continued,” When I hear you speak on something, its obvious that that its well thought out.”

This was not the first time I have been told that I think differently than most people. Personally, I do not think differently than anyone else. Maybe deeper but not different. This has its benefits but also its downside. It is easy to fall into temptation assuming pride of my intellect and to some, it is very intimidating and comes across as arrogant.

One simple example that comes to mind is a time when one of my coworkers gave me feedback by saying that I would do better if I took the dictionary off my desk. Apparently, I used too many “5 dollar” words for his liking. I wanted to respond to him by saying maybe it would be better if he put a dictionary on his desk but that would have been mean-spirited. He projected his intellectual insecurity as a negative towards me. Its what people do but I wish I knew how to better project my love of ideas and thoughts in humility.

One thing that has helped me through the years came from enneagram spirituality. Back 15 years, I attended a workshop on the enneagram. It was the first system of articulating human experience that has been helpful to understanding myself, and others.

The enneagram like many other personality typing systems define generic characteristics for each personality type. In theory, we all fall into one personality pattern. What I appreciate about the enneagram is that each type is on a spectrum of (unhealthy) compulsion on one end and (healthy) contemplation on the other. For our person to grow and mature through life, we move from compulsion toward contemplation on our personality type.

When I first read enneagram type 5 – I felt as though I was looking at a reflection of myself in a mirror. How could some book on personality types nail me, as it did, …shattering my belief of being unique and independently motivated in thought and action? Enneagram 5’s dominant center is the head. We arrange what we observe and learn of life into some sort of order and we do that in our own private world (the mind). 5’s basic compulsion (vice) is avarice (greed). This greed is not materialistic but rather the keeping to one’s internal thought, ideas, and perceptions to ourselves. In our compulsion, we grab and hoard all we can get. Knowledge is our god and idol. We are primarily anxiety driven although we learn early in life to bury it within our unconsciousness. We (over) think within our selves – so to make what we have to say wiser, better, more fitting, all in order to earn the approval and love we so much want to have.

For me, the (unknown) answer that I am seeking is always in the book that I have not yet read.

Unlike most personality systems, the enneagram does not treat our personality as something static. It makes great sense to me that just like the physical, emotional, and mental attributes of my person – my personality can and needs to grow from infancy to ever greater maturity through all stages of life. My trap is to remain stuck inside myself, hiding who I am and what I believe. The journey outward is my way to balance life.

I began a conscious movement into adult maturity in my mid 30’s. I was recovering from a divorce and rebuilding my life with a healthier sense of who I was. I chose to join my church choir. I had no choir background but singing was my conscious decision to move my hidden faith and prayer life from an interior position to an exterior. I saw it as a form of spiritual exercise to gain strength and conditioning. Now, some 25 years later, it fundamentally matured me in ways that I can only believe God created and planned me to be. Today I experience greater desire and courage to live a deeper Christian form of service and outreach – a deeper giving of my-self to others. This blog is but one example.

I am a natural introvert. When I was young I did not speak or express much of myself. It was not a problem for me but many would express their disdain for my quietness which indirectly communicated that I was somehow lacking. As I began to open up and share who I am and what I thought, I would get this same negative projection. This time, not for what I did not say but for what I would say. It taught me that “some people will not appreciate you no matter what. I learned that whether I turned left or right, people will have something to say about me. Ultimately what matters is that I accept my (imperfect) self as my Creator does, not in judgment but only in Love. Living authentically is about being who God created me to be and not be overly concerned with other people’s judgement of me (good or bad).

The featured image is a simple collage of a “young” me against a backdrop of books. The quote is taken from a character in the book titled, “In the Sanctuary of Outcast” by Neil White. The quote was from an elderly African American woman who spent all but six years of her life quarantined at the home for Hansen’s disease (leprosy) in Carville, LA. Her name was Ella. In the story, she was asked by the author if she ever read books. Her response was, “I already knows more than I understand.”

This quote resonated with me prompting me to reflect on all the books I’ve ever read. Realizing that from all the book I’ve read, I have forgotten more than I have retained. It certainly makes me think of the time and value I have placed grabbing for new information that I have mostly forgotten. Did I grab for more than what I needed in life, …perhaps even at the expense of something else? Maybe, there is no answer to the question.

No doubt books are valuable throughout life, and I will continue reading but I no longer place the same value on acquiring someone else’s ideas and thoughts in order to gain some false sense of security in who I am, or what I have to offer others.

For Those Who Wish It

“Do not say: It is impossible to receive the Holy Spirit. Do not say: Human beings do not see divine light; this is very possible for those who wish it.”

St. Symeon, The New Theologian

As a naïve and imaginative twelve year old, I gave my life to Christ and when I did – I felt flushed with the Holy Spirit. It was at my Confirmation. I can recall the place and experience as though it was yesterday. Ever since, I’ve never doubted the existence of a power greater than myself, …at work in my life.

As our teachers prepared us for Confirmation, two biblical stories captured my imagination; that of Solomon and his noted wisdom (1 Kings 3:5) and the Upper Room event on the Jewish Feast of Pentecost (Acts 2).

Great emphasis was placed on the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit (wisdom, understanding, knowledge, counsel, piety, fortitude, and fear of the Lord). For whatever reason, I thought we could ask for and receive “only” one of seven gifts of the Holy Spirit. I chose Wisdom.

It was an easy choice for if I chose Wisdom, like Solomon, I would also have a pretty good chance for riches and long life. Kinda like three for the price of one. (note: I may have been young and naiive, but not stupid.)

The evening of Confirmation was a significant experience for me. That night, I made a conscious choice to give my life to Christ, …to be his disciple and willing to die for it. This is certainly heady stuff for a twelve year old but when I committed to this, I felt such a rush of something come over me.

Now, I do not claim to know what the Holy Spirit feels like and I must say that I do not ignore the possibility that what I felt was temporal emotions but I did experience something. Within my belief system, I attribute it to God’s Spirit acting and operating upon and within me, …no differently than what the Apostles experienced on that first Pentecost after Jesus’ death.

Some fifty years later, I can recall nearly a half dozen events in my life where the Grace of the Holy Spirit has convicted me of its presence and power. I hope to write on these events, as time goes.

I have never stopped asking God for Wisdom and have never failed to be blessed by it. I simply await patiently. It is not some super mental power that elevates me above anyone else. I sense it more to be enlightened understanding of the mind of Christ’s teaching as it portends to salvation and to being. It is no doubt a divine gift that is absolute good, but admittedly, there are moments when I’ve felt it as burden since it blows apart my neat little world of right and wrong, should be and should not be, worthy and unworthy. God’s love shatters my worldview of reward and punishment. It never feels as the easier path in life.

For many years, I’ve thought my Confirmation experience was common to every one else. From what people tell me, most have not had any special experience to recall. I have always wondered why. Maybe it was my childhood gullibility to believe what adults told me coupled with my imagination. I do not know, but whatever the reason, I am glad for it because I have never felt alone in the joys and the tragedies of my life.

About 10 years back, I became aware that one is not limited to just one Gift of the Holy Spirit. We receive all (wisdom, understanding, knowledge, counsel, piety, fortitude, and fear of the Lord) at our Baptism. As God is Love, God does not ration Love, or give more to one than another. It is given in full (to all) and all we have to do is open ourselves to it and participate in it. That is the free gift of Grace. We really do not have to even ask for it. It has been freely and fully given. We are in Christ. We live and have our being within the divine life of Most Holy Trinity. And yes, it does take Faith but with Faith, one has eyes to see.

By the way, nowadays, I have added Compassion to my petition and have the rest of my life to cultivate it.

The featured image is an icon of St. Symeon, the New Theologian. Symeon was an abbot and ascetic writer in tenth-century Constantinople. He was born in Galatia, Asia Minor, in AD 949. Symeon was not stranger to controversy, even within his own community. His first fifteen years as an abbot was a time of rebuilding, efforts to reform the monks, an increase in vocations. Many of his writings and hymns are still available. The inscriptions that I placed on the scroll that he is holding is one of my favorites. It reads:

“Do not say: It is impossible to receive the Holy Spirit. Do not say: Human beings do not see divine light; this is very possible for those who wish it.”

Do you wish it?

To whom shall we go?

The featured image is a carving of Jesus Christ named Pantocrator. The word Pantocrator is of Greek origin meaning “ruler of all.” He holds the book of the Gospels in his left hand and blesses with his right hand.

The icon portrays Christ as the Righteous Judge and Lover of Mankind, both at the same time. The Gospel is the book by which we are judged and the blessing proclaims God’s loving kindness toward us, showing us that he is giving us his forgiveness. The oldest known Pantocrator icon was written in the sixth century. It was preserved in the monastery of St. Catherine in the Sinai desert.

Years ago, my employer was striving to change its management culture to a more inclusive and collaborative style. One of the leadership workshops focused on better respecting the ideas and voices of everyone. In their best of intentions they crafted the over-arching theme to be “Everyone speaks their own truth.” I knew the workshop leaders well so after the workshop we talked. I said that when you say everyone speaks their own truth – you are saying that truth is relative meaning that there is no “absolute” truth. This is called “relativism” – where people live by the motto, “Well that’s your truth and I have my truth.”

To say there is no absolute truth is to say there is no God. We become our own god which is what the Genesis account of humanity’s Fall is all about. Eat the fruit and be “like gods” (Gn 3:5). Rather, it would be accurate to say that everyone speaks their own “bias.” This we cannot escape.

Our world, the world we see, is a reflection of our self-image. In a symbolic way Christ told us that we behold ourselves in what we see: the lamp of the body is the eye” (Mt 6:22); “take care then that the light in you not become darkness” (Lk 11:35); “for if the light in you is darkness, how great will be the darkness [everywhere]” (Mt 6:23).

We are tied to our judgmental world with its guilt and punishment because we are tied to the people (and system) which formed us. The basis for our judgments is often founded on what we’ve learned from key people in our lives. These people make up “our gods.” Parental gods, church gods, state gods, corporate gods, teacher gods, peer gods, friend gods. These gods are now internalized; we carry them around in our head and look to them for support. (see ref: Who told you that you were naked? by John Jacob Raub, Crossroad Pub)

If I resort to no one but myself, with my own thoughts and feelings, as a guide towards truth and morality – I am in deep trouble, …and have often been.

There is a reference in John’s gospel if Jesus teaching his followers about his Most Holy Body and Blood (Jn 6:51-58). Because of this hard saying, many of his followers departed him but those who stayed replied, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life; and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”

I find myself asking this same question, “Lord, to whom shall I go?” In response, I admit that I do not have a better answer by which to guide my life but Jesus Christ and his good news.

Understanding one’s life in the context of Jesus’ passion, death, and resurrection is not some romantic “goodwill” gesture. It does come with an experience and understanding of suffering and death but equally on its other side comes “new” life.

If there is something better out there, I have not found it. Now, to whom shall you go?

To know Good

A few years back while attending my son’s graduation ceremony we sat mid-level from the arena floor. A few seats down and to the right of us there was an older couple who I later learned were grandparents of a graduating senior. About ten rows further down was a lady who had tied a colorful bundle of helium filled balloons to the armrest of her chair. The balloons had celebratory slogans of “Congratulations Senior!”

My first thought upon seeing these colorful balloons was how it was such a thoughtful gesture by someone who cared for a young person about to graduate. I am sure that when the kid was given the balloons after the ceremony they would be joyful and think well of the giver. I thought to myself, … the idea would never have entered my mind to do the same for my son.

As the ceremony began the graduating seniors began their procession to the seats on the auditorium floor. It soon became obvious that the “thoughtful” gift of balloons were blocking the view of the people sitting in the levels above. By the time the procession ended and all the students reached their seats, the thoughtful gesture of the lady with the balloons had fully aggravated a host of parents and grandparents who could not see their kids because of the balloons.

This got me thinking, that a good and thoughtful gesture by one person is not automatically received as good by another. In other words, human good is not necessarily a universal good. It is relative and imperfect just as we are.

In Genesis it reads that after creation on the sixth day, God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. Creation and life is gift and that being created in the likeness and image of God can only be goodness.

And through Baptism we are gifted with the indwelling Holy Spirit and those spiritual gifts operating within us are permanent dispositions that make us docile to follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit. The seven gifts of the Spirit is derived from Isaiah 11:1–3: wisdom, understanding, knowledge, counsel, piety, fortitude, and fear of the Lord.

I have knowingly experienced God’s good gifts, freely given. I have never doubted but at my worst, I have chosen to ignore. In this, I do not stand alone.

In 1996 I attended Cursillo 327 and sat at St. James’ table. It was a major milestone in my spiritual journey. One of many spiritual benefits has been a developed appreciation for the book of St James. Below is an excerpt;.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. (James 1:5-7)

James describes the one who doubts as someone who constantly changes allegiances and cultivates the patina of faith, wrongly thinking mechanistic action to be the heart of faith. James calls us to be people of character, whose faith manifests itself in action commensurate with what God has called us to be. We are called to become authentically human. Accepting our frailty, our failures, and our need of God’s grace, care, and forgiveness. We are each called to be like Christ, who is also a God who forgives, for he understands our pain and our frailty. God knows and Loves us and that is absolutely good.

James invites us to ask God for Wisdom, especially during trials. This is to walk the middle course between irrational optimism and a worldly pessimism that betrays a lack of trust in God. Irrational optimism can be marked by a failure to understand oneself and one’s situation. Neither irrational optimism nor worldly pessimism takes seriously God or ourselves.

Are you in the habit of praying and opening yourself to God’s Wisdom and if you do, do you allow it to replace your own?

Our Life as Art

The little girl in the red blouse is Nuna. She lives in Nongkhai Thailand at Sarnelli House for abandoned children and children affected with HIV/AIDS. Nuna’s condition, due to AIDS, has made her blind and deaf with a malformed lower body and extremities. Her hands are often wrapped to prevent biting/gnawing of her fingers. She responds with a joyful smile upon hearing the sound of the other toddlers playing and responds most clearly and happily to the voice of Fr Mike.

Over the last few years, I have been able to send a small offering in her name. She is my angelic reminder of where Joy and Happiness in this life is to be found.

There are 175 orphaned children under Fr Mike’s care as well as another 75 or so who lived the the ‘Sarnelli Outreach Program’. Many of those in the Sarnelli orphanage live with conditions similar to those of Nuna, albeit most others with sight and hearing but nevertheless a myriad of medical problems they endure … But all with joy and happiness in their hearts from the support given them by Fr Mike, his staff, and of course the sponsors of the children.

Performance art may be either scripted or unscripted, random or carefully orchestrated; spontaneous or otherwise carefully planned with or without audience participation.

Throughout scripture, we can find any number of scripts to any number of scenes in which to pick and practice in life. We do not even have to audition. Free Will, allows us to pick the part we want to play. We do not even have to worry about applause or recognition from others although at some point we will get feedback on our work of art.

“Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did it to me” (Matt 25:40)

No one has ever returned from the afterlife to tell us what our final judgment will be like, so we can muse a bit. In each of the four gospels there is an account of Peter’s denial of Jesus as Jesus was being questioned by the religious authorities in Jerusalem. Only Luke (22:61) notes that after Peter had denied knowing Jesus for the third time, the Lord, while under arrest, turned and looked at him.

I can image the scene, Jesus giving Peter a silent look and then Peter remembering Jesus’ earlier word that whoever denies me before men will be denied before God’s angels.” Perhaps it was a look of forgiveness and encouragement, …what do you imagine?

The below photo is my good friend Deacon Reggie holding baby angel Nuna. He and his family are returning from a June 2018 visit to Sarnelli. Beyond friendship, Reggie is an inspiration and mentor.

Visit the Sarnelli House website