Stepping Stones

“During this night, rest in heart, seat of the soul and breathe anew”

“Stepping Stones, or stumbling stones, …I am not sure.”

Childhood/ Family Foundations

As a boy, I cried easily. I recall an episode with my father when I was around 14 or 15 years of age. It was a simple misunderstanding, and I broke into tears in which he could not understand. I still remember his agitated and manly voice, “What are you crying for!” It triggered a felt sense of shame in front of my father. At that moment, I made a conscious decision it was time for me to grow up, stop crying, and be a “man.”

At 64, I’ve hardened a bit. I still cry when my heart is stomped but no longer ashamed of showing my tears.

Military/ Following Footsteps

At 18, I had no plan for what I wanted to do or become so I enlisted. By the age of 22, I had circled the globe experiencing good and “not so” good in myself and the larger world. And my curiosity for electronics emerged.

University/ Satisfying Curiosities

After college graduation, I sat in my parent’s living room gazing at my diploma; Six years and thousands of math problems – now behind me. My dad said, “I sure did not think you would finish.” I was surprised by what he said.

Someone who knew me best – didn’t know or believe – some “thing” in me. I had proceeded at my own pace, and my grades were often borderline, but I never considered not completing. I held singular determination on what I had envisioned for myself.

1^st Marriage/ Shattered Illusions

We choose our spouse but our parents are chosen by the hand of God; a child gets no choice in the matter. The great gift our parents offer is their example of how to live, and equally valuable how “not” to live. Once we leave our parents, it is our free will to keep what is good and let go of what is not. There is no life in victimhood.

Career/ Economy of Obligations

Twenty years ago, I asked one of my coworkers for feedback on how he thought I performed in my work. After a moment’s pause, he said, “You stick your neck out very far.” He was right, but it was from a conscious choice to be open, honest, and secure in who I am. Consequences come as they may – but what I valued more was that at the end of the day, to lay my head on its pillow and my conscience be clear.

Ministry/ Icon of Christ the Servant

When I was a child, I was taught as a child and did as a child.

My formal entry into adult ministry was borne from my first experience of major loss and grief. The seed was planted when told by others I was a good person and worthy of love. I hung onto Jesus and through the process of recovery decided to publically share my prayer and spirit with others.

In many ways, I am still that little boy. But each stage and circumstance of my life cooperated in some form of Grace inviting and other times pushing me to grow beyond childhood. My spiritual path at this juncture in life is to grow in consent to Divine Presence and action in my life.

2^nd Marriage/ Friendship First

Years ago, my father shared with me that his intent with other people was to extend trust upfront. They did not have to first earn his trust. He said if and when his trust was betrayed, he felt strong enough to take the “first” blow and recover. He would then adjust the level of trust in the relationship. I’ve done the same and learned; It is a hard choice to be vulnerable and trusting in this world but its fruits are authenticity, intimacy, and communion. I’ve also learned it to be a road less traveled.

Elderhood/ Unexplored Territory

Elderhood is both “Sunset” and “Sunrise.” To accept it as an invitation to cooperate in a sacrament of surrender; a graceful transition in letting go of what is no longer life-giving, or necessary. This gift comes to all of us by choice, age, infirmity, and ultimately death.

The grace of elderhood is that it offers liberty and deeper meanings for life. There is now time, space, and necessity to explore new landscapes, pathways, and other seekers along the way; without rush and with much less baggage to carry.

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Fr. Ron Rolheiser offers another “stone” of elder wisdom. “The aged person as “a stone in the river,” giving the river its character:

An old woman may be helpful simply as a figure valued for her character. Like a stone at the bottom of a riverbed, she may do nothing but stay still and hold her ground, but the river has to take her into account and alter its flow because of her.

An older man, by sheer presence, plays his part as a character in the drama of the family and neighborhood. His character brings particular qualities to every scene, adds to their intricacy and depth by representing the past and the dead.

When all the elderly are removed to retirement communities, the river flows more smoothly back home. No disruptive rocks. Less character too.”

ps. Blessings to you along the riverfront.