This month I've invited friend, coauthor, and publisher Dianna Leeder to share her thoughts. Thoughts, which resonate deeply - with and through me. If you would like to learn more about Dianna and the work she does, please visit her website at www.cravemorelife.com
Recently, two people who have influenced my life have passed on. In both cases, I was able to share my personal thoughts with them before they passed.
One was the mother of my children. Even though we shared the personal experience of a failed marriage and its angst, I expressed to her my gratitude for what our marriage produced: the joy of children and shared grandchildren. I would not trade it for all the gold in the world.
The other was my 87-year-old uncle. The day before he passed, I held his hand and said, “you’ve been a good uncle to me; thank you.” It was my highest compliment. He whispered back, “it’s good to hear that.” I wanted to say more, but I knew my emotions would not hold up. I still tear up just writing about it.
When someone close dies, the relationship (as it was) also dies. It is as if the living “thread” of the relationship is severed and ceases to breathe. Our memory goes into a different realm of thought and consciousness, offering a sobering sense of recollection, mortality, and healing space – for (re)creation of the Self.
Yes, death is not the end.
Before my uncle passed, he said he wanted only a graveside service and chose me to say a few words at his burial. This was a great honor for me.
In memoriam, I share my spoken words with you:
I’ll open with a few words, then invite each of you to share any personal thoughts, or feelings that you have about Everett. It is difficult to lose a life-long spouse, a father, grandfather, uncle, and friend. So, we gather to mourn the passing of Everett. And to stand in the solidarity of family-love with our beloved Jeanne, Craig, Angie, Aidan, Joy, Guy, Josh and Alex - in their most difficult moment. We also gather to honor Everett’s long life (and love) that he gave to each of us. May we lift up those good memories of a long life – well lived. It is not easy to say good-bye. Yet, I am thankful to have had that chance the day before Everett passed. Not everyone had that same chance – So, if anyone would like to share a few words of what Everett has meant to you, or consolation to the family - now is a good time. Everett was conceived by Love and sustained through Love. It is the same Love, Everett gave to each of us. Everett’s life did not bypass the suffering and death common to all of us, - but now he has returned to that deep mystery of Love from which he came. It is this same mystery of Love that Everett spent his life-time trying to understand and resolve. Now, his answer has come to fruition. Everett’s death is not the end – but a beginning. Those who love Everett and will forever miss him – has begun a hard walk-through grief. There is no timeline for when this grief is over, but however it takes, …always know that you are never alone. Love will remain, …Love never fails. Amen
Meditation: Describe a relationship that has appeared to you with no seeking on your part. How did it change your life
All human loss, forgotten and refused A river of sorrow runs deep, through and through Loneliness drowns out all other things Sometimes our pain does not carry wings But if we take the time to make all human loss sacred We’ll learn how to make love out of sadness To remember each one, to forgive what was done Let go of our grief, and become someone Our pain has purpose, it lives and it grows It isn't a thing to be buried in the snow If we could just open our eyes to the paths we must go We'd see that each loss, is always a blessing, you know So take off the chains of your loss and despair Know that it can be a source of strength and repair We can make each tear a pathway through fear Turn human loss sacred and give it a name so clear For it's in the depths of our suffering That we learn to learn and start believing May we draw strength from each other's pain To bring peace and compassion and joy once again
When I consider the terror and displacement of what people in wartorn countries must endure or the aftereffects of earthquakes, grand floods, and tragic loss of loved ones - I can't help but feel fortunate, in comparison. Nevertheless, when I experience(d) key losses of marriage relationships, church, and friends, what resulted was an overflowing grief, resentment, and deep personal rejection; a devastation of self-identity.
The personal doubt which grief creates about evil or the goodness of humanity - is a hell on earth.
Evil is evil, so it seems ludicrous to honor any form of human suffering and loss. Therefore, it is not the evil that I am talking about-but to that which is greater: our invitation to participate in Grace. If we only considered deep human trauma, and grief as nothing more than a vacuum of emptiness and loss - we would remain with an even greater loss.
“Let not this grief be wasted.”
Through my most emotionally painful moments, I pray to "that which is greater than I," to open my mind and heart to see the grace underlying it all. Then, I wait in calm and trust for divine wisdom, ...and, it does come, it always has. The loss does not necessarily go away or become less important. But through divine wisdom, and the inner work of recovery, and transformation, I've come to realize that what I've truly lost are my fantasies, illusions, and false idols. And, I much rather accept and live in truth. Once I've reached that point, I no longer deeply grieve the vacumm of loss. For it has been replaced with a deeper emotional and spiritual maturity; a chance to generate new life, a life redeemed, and loved. And, not only to myself but towards others. My faith in "God Alone," and self-acceptance deepens, and the beauty and gratitude of creation refills what was once held as a void. Even more so, as my body ages to its demise, I wish to deepen my gratitude for all the gifts this life has brought me. Recognizing, many of these gifts have come through the good of my life, as well as a result of personal loss. Ps. Comments welcomed
What is the measure of a person’s will?
Sitting across the table, Jim says, Doug, as we begin working together in ministry, there is one thing I ask, that our relationship be based on openness and honesty.
Doug replies, Well, Jim, I can promise that I will always strive to be open and honest with you, even when it is uncomfortable.
Jim tells Doug more about the mission to feed the hungry, asking him how he’d like to fit in the ministry. Doug replies I am here to serve and more than happy to donate my time and money to feed the hungry. Just tell me when and where.
Jim replies, send any money to St. Joseph’s Diner, PO Box 119. You can arrive any day of your choosing around 10 am. I’ll see that your time is not wasted and that you help those who come in for lunch. You’ll finish up around 12:30. Even if you come once, it will be a big help.
Jim, I will do just that.
Both men end the conversation assuming the other will relate in openness and honesty and will be the form and foundation of their relationship.
During their conversation, Doug’s words expressed his sincere thoughts.
But that moment has passed.
During their conversation, Doug felt sincere sympathy for the hungry and felt good for wanting to serve others and social bonding with Jim. His thoughts and feelings merged.
But that moment has passed.
Doug fails to act on his words, feelings, and promise. He held no reason to abandon his promise and past feelings.
The next time Doug met Jim, Doug acted as if all was well.
Considering Doug’s thoughts, feelings, acts of commission, and omission, how would you characterize his self-will?
Reflection:
How are the People of God to understand and act out “not my will, but thine, be done.” (Luke 22:42)?
“When we see through the illusion of who we thought we were, wisdom burns away our false beliefs and mistaken hopes in the illusory refuge of self.” K.Dowling-Singh, Unbinding
What follows is personal commentary:
Like animals, humans are born with automatic responses to stimuli such as fight or flight, self-preservation, social instincts, etc. We can all relate to our instinct for survival and gratification. This is our base level of human self-will, our inborn “motive force” in thinking, feeling, and acting.
Unlike physical bodies, our psychological and spiritual development do not mature with the calendar but with conscious motives of our self-will. Our conscious choices and actions of commission and omission are the workings of our self-will. They can affect good or evil.
In the above story, Doug’s thoughts, feelings, and wants were generated through the workings of his brain and motivated by the underlying currents of his wants and self-will. But his self-will was shallow and underdeveloped. It did not provide sufficient motive force for his actions to be in union with his thoughts and feelings. If Doug fails to self-exam and transcend, his spiritual maturity will remain shallow and stagnate.
When we fail to self-examine and cross-check the alignment of our thoughts, feelings, and actions, we fall prey to the worst of ourselves and harm others. Even if we become aware of the dissonance between our thoughts, feelings, and actions and do not reconcile, we fall prey.
We are all born with our power of instinctual (self-will), but it is undeveloped/ immature. The table below characterizes seven aspects of developing goodwill rather than ill will. The highest power of our self-will can only be developed to its full potential by a conscious choice. Some may call that an exercise of self-will or free will.
The best way to understand or explain Divine Will is through the Trinitarian archetype of God. Instead of using the traditional labels of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, it is more meaningful to think about the trinitarian essence: God the Creator, God the Redeemer, and God the Lover.
The inner prompt or conscience is to ask;
Our common destiny as human beings is bodily death. Until then, we are called to walk (in this life) toward an ever-increasing union with our Beloved until that union is fully consummated. And knowing that my thoughts can never contain the fullness of God the Creator, Redeemer, and Lover:
… to know Divine Will is to know no thing.
Is love a commodity to be acquired, hoarded, or traded on the open market?
We all know transactional love; it’s the “I’ll love you if you love me back” or until human feelings change. The here today, gone tomorrow – kind of experience.
We even say God is Love but fail to question our imaginal thinking in a God who demands obedience at the expense of hell yet loves unconditionally.
In this human confusion, I’d rather ponder “What does Love ask?” to discern Sacred Spirit and Divine will in and for my life.
I’ve asked the question “What does Love ask?” within my writing circle and have been permitted to share the response from Geraldine F, who resides in Ireland, and Ann R, who lives in the USA. The final reflection is mine, which I developed via the writings of John of the Cross and the music of John Michael Talbot.
What does Love ask? by Ann R.
The question, What does Love ask? Has really been hanging with me in a lovely way. After thinking of the many appropriate responses to Love – basically slipping into my “what should I do” in response to such a gift mode – I found my answer: Nothing. The Love is so totally and freely given that it is there and will remain whether I accept or reject. My yes or no changes nothing. Do I weep, overcome by the immense unfathomable tenderness of such Love? Or do I exalt with joy that such infinite goodness is forever there, in all and for all? If I can see that love ask nothing, then I am on my way to understanding what unconditional means. I can do nothing to increase this love in me and I can do nothing to lose it. The pure undivided infiniteness of Love is poured out without measure, without cause, without asking, there from the beginning. Why are we blinded by this outpouring? For me, I know I did not always see. But now I am acquiring sight and I am simply dazzled by the Love. And so grateful to be here where Love abounds, and asks nothing. Peace, Ann.
What does Love Ask by Geraldine F.
Open your heart that I may pour my Essence in to overflowing, that you may pour it out generously, like a refreshing fall of rain flowing freely down into the parched, drought threatened hearts encountered on the desert road. Open your mind and lips That I may plant and nurture Seeds of loving thoughts and words For all “the good and bad alike” Uprooting the colourful and pleasantly scented flowers of “Sweet Revenge” that grow within the barren soil along the desert road. Open your arms, Embrace Me as I embrace you Embrace the world in all its colour And in the richness and warmth of its returning embrace Is the Oasis that is to be encountered Along the desert road.
What does Love ask? by Guy K.
To know its presence in the darkness, as a light burning in one’s heart, more lovely than the dawn. The fruitlessness of a search out there, with its thousand graces, does not my heart heal. Empty and broken, within its resounding solitude, Listen for its whisper, and taste. Finding its flame alive, wounding the inner heart, without oppression. Bubbling, flowing, eternal, knowing nothing else, but to drink. Praise the adventure, in being lost from all sight, heaven’s glory attained. Giving voice, Day to day, hour to hour, gently away. A union not flesh; unsaid, unwritten, embraced, beloved, as a child. Come, pass through me, as I lay longing, to sleep and be washed again.
Ps. What does love ask of you?
Click on the image below to hear a musical interpretation
Have you ever inventoried the many names, labels, and titles you’ve been called by people throughout your life?
Yes, even the nasty ones.
What does it say, what does it mean, …what do you do with the good, the bad, and the ugly?
As part of a recent fundraiser, I had the privilege of commissioning three prominent poets to write a poem about me. Each was a complete stranger. They were given my website/ blog as a resource to draw from.
In this blog, I’ve included their written text and audio recording of their reading. At the public event, I was also invited to read one of my poems and chose the following composition.
WHO DO YOU SAY – I AM?
Father, …son, …husband, …grandfather, …leader, …follower, …teacher, …student, …scientist, …engineer, …deacon, …sailor, …veteran, …answer-man, …guyeaux, …guy beau, …honey, …hubby, …friend, …holy-man, …satan, …bull, …rock, …abuser, …philosopher, …musician, …artist, …power-user, …gentleman, …too-religious, …arrogant, …good-man, …neighbor, …stranger, …impotent, …professional, …homosexual, …democrat, …republican, …independent, …Popsie, …Popee’, …babe, …daddio, …pops, …war-criminal, …mr. bingo, ….I was even called an extroverted-introvert, or maybe it was an introverted-extravert???
Some built me up, …others tore me down. Yet, they were only thoughts in the minds of men and women – all occupying the same house of cards.
If 50 people KNOW guy, — each will THINK – a different guy.
If 50 people SEE guy, — each receive a different REFLECTION of guy.
If 50 people HEAR guy, — each receive a different VIBRATION of guy.
Yet, I am only ONE guy.
So now, Who do you say I am?
What follows is a bit of indulgent fun for me, and I hope you find it entertaining. Each is so very different. I love them all.
Mona Lisa Saloy
Clare L Martin
The following composition was influenced by my love of delta blues and response to the question, “Who do you Love,” which is one of Bo Diddley’s famed songs.
Toby Daspit
If there is one bit of wisdom that can be drawn from all the many names we’ve been called in life, it is that words/names are never the things it points to. For example, the “word” apple is not the apple; two totally different things. Yet, without this awareness, our minds fail to separate the two.
It has taken a lifetime to realize that who I am is truthfully defined as a child of God, and I am beloved just as I am.
And for anyone else, there is no greater honor bestowed than to be called “friend.”
REFLECTION
Start with a blank sheet of paper, and jot down all the names you’ve been called throughout your life, all the good, the bad, and the nasty. The ones that others have called you and the names you call yourself. Take special note of the ones that hurt or degrade you and the positive ones as well. This may take a week or two as memories pop to the surface. Spend some time with these memories and journal how they influenced your life and feelings toward yourself.
Then ask yourself, who does God say you are? Then let go of what is no longer life-giving.
Ps. as always, feel free to share comments or thoughts
“Do not surrender life nor death, but too much of what lies between.”
People say, “I am spiritual, but not religious.” I take this to mean that one does not affiliate with an institutional church/ religion with its authority, dogma, doctrine, and ritual. I get that. But, …
Research the term “religion,” and you will find its etymological derivation is from Religare: re (meaning “again”) + ligare (“bind” or “connect”). For example, the term “ligare” is where we get “ligaments,” which bind muscle to the bone.
So, think about religion as that which “binds” your personal beliefs, ethics, and rituals to your actions in daily life.
What is it that you hold sacred within your mind, body, and soul that binds you in decisions and actions that you actually live out – day to day? This is your unique personal religion (regardless of what church you may belong to). Religion is external only in the sense of how you live out your life – and the only truthful accounting of your religion. Anything else is either ego or someone else’s religion.
Like one’s religious path, the spiritual journey is essentially the same. It is like the overall container of my belief system acted out in the context of eternity.
Conceived from mystery by love, through Love. First to crawl, then climb: clutching, clawing, and crying. Reaching the summit and resting awhile before my descent. Others continue climbing, more and more. Finally, mystery returns to strip away all that remains. No choice, no more, like it or not; for evermore.
Christian theology speaks of “God essence” as Trinitarian: Creator, Redeemer, and Lover. It is how I choose to contemplate, discern, and participate in Divine Will.
GOD THE CREATOR
I imagine the outermost edges of the cosmos down to its molecular mass and biological organic functioning as a mystery and miracle for which I am essentially ignorant. And yet, the best anything that creation can be or do is point to the Creator. This includes any thought of man, woman, or institution.
To deny “that which is greater than I” feeds the ego and sensual attachments, which ultimately become our idols and god(s). Our created origin (good and holy) has the innate capacity to manifest God because we already are that image by virtue of being created. Still, we are also subject to human pride, and its outcome is addiction.
As a prelude to silent prayer, I stand in gratitude for life and breath by gesturing a blessing to my hearing, thinking, seeing, breathing, taste, and touch. I then sit for twenty minutes in consent to Divine Presence and Action.
GOD THE REDEEMER
Life and death are a package deal. We do not get one without the other, and both exist in our participation in the divine life. Yes, there is great joy in life but also suffering, death, and from a Christian perspective, resurrection (new life), …the over-arching life and message of Jesus’ passion, death, and resurrection. The good news is that we get to live this in the sacrament of the present moment.
Not just when our bodies pass from this life, but throughout life, our attachments must be let go if we are to live fully. Sometimes, letting go is a choice of our free will; other times, it is painfully against our will. Regardless, the more profound the loss, the deeper our grief and the deeper our pain.
We can choose to ignore it, suppress it, or choose the hard work through grief and death. With this life-giving path comes new (resurrected) life. When we fail this choice, we keep the pain hidden, ultimately projecting it onto others, causing even more significant harm.
There is a life-giving gift of (Love, Creativity, and Generativity) from our Creator in each of us, and by nurturing and honoring it, we heal. And by this, we honor life in others. Being open and honest and sharing my literary and visual creations are my (religious) means of healing, speaking, and sharing in life.
GOD THE LOVER
Divine Love is not transactional like most human love. To experience Divine Will, and follow, is to experience this love. To be embraced as a child of God, we often act as if we must be doing, which is contrary to our western cultural mindset where we believe our personal worthiness is tied to what we accomplish and own, which is a form of self-pride and envy.
If we are to believe anything about Grace is that it is fully and freely given through eternity. Or to say, it comes to you, and all there is to do is consent to its presence and action in your life. It can’t be any easier, yet it is so distant in so many.
This awareness comes to me every so often in the deepest of Silence. And when it does, it is unlike anything on this earth. In my spiritual/ religious practice, I seek this Love. And by it, I know I am loved and intuit this love, and because of it can love myself in totality.
Amen.
Personal Reflection: Imagine
How did our Creator speak and embrace us as children before the first Mass was ever said and the living word of God was unwritten?
Ps. If you are interested in going deeper, check out the following title, which can be purchased on Amazon.
Recovering Thou
Who are you that screams,
I am to be this or that?
Beloved, enough
Last Fall, I was invited along with twenty-one other men from around the globe to write a personal life chapter for a book titled Transcendent Men, Real Stories. It is now published and available on Amazon. Below are some reviews.
I’ve never held aspirations of publishing my writings beyond this blog, but when the invitation came, I knew it was something I should not back away from. My intent was to share the truth as I had experienced it – with belief, goodwill, (and courage) that in the light, we (all) can be healed.
It was with the hope that this writing would allow me to close out my previous four years of writing through grief recovery. I was ready to begin writing from a fresh vantage, and this book project that arrived serendipitously could be the capstone.
Not only was my story published along with twenty-one other men, but also my poetry and artwork. All this is an interesting irony for a Cajun boy who was never particularly fond of grammar and poetry.
If you are interested in hearing more of the backstory, you can listen to the interview/ podcast by the book’s publisher by clicking the link/image below:
As always, feel free to offer a comment or respond with your thoughts on transcending the most difficult events in your life.
Blessings to you
Boy or Girl, Which is easier to raise?
I came across an old family video taken back in 1991 about a conversation that took place around the kitchen table. In it, I had made a comment but was not allowed to finish my thought. I have changed the names of everyone in the conversation, except myself (Guy).
Mary– A boy is easier to raise than a girl.
Susy – You’ll have to convince me of that.
Mary-This has to do with who does most of the nurturing. And the primary nurturer in the family is the mother, and that is what they say.
Susy-Who are they?
Mary-The psychologist. They say the nurturing parent is primarily the mother.
Susy-That does not prove the boy is easier.
Mary-The consensus (agreement) of that opinion comes from mothers. It has to do with the correlation of the mother to each respective gender (i.e., Female to son, female to daughter)
Guy-Yall not looking at the whole picture.
Lydia– And what is the whole picture, Guy?
Guy – The whole picture is that it takes a mother and a father to have the child. And that is the whole picture.
(roaring laughter)
Lydia-Guy, I agree with you.
Guy-Nurturing a healthy child – requires both parents, not one being primary over the other.
Mary-but the primary nurturing comes from the mother.
Big John-I read in the paper a couple of weeks ago that the world is in such a mess right now because it is the mother that is (predominantly) raising the kids right now.
(roaring laughter)
Mary– Oh, blame it on the mothers – Oh, I read the paper every day, and you need to refresh my memory; I didn’t read that.
Big John-Oh no? but you didn’t look at that. All males are being raised (predominantly) by females.
Mary-I knew that chauvinistic shit would come out – Get back to your seat over there!
Lydia-That is the truth because society has dictated that teachers don’t easily support a family with the salaries they make. It would be better if there were more male teachers. Because there would be more (male) role models. The (feminine) ideal in raising a son is with attributes of sensitivity and other qualities that are important to me as a woman – to be in a man.
Mary-Yes, that is what I am talking about. That comes naturally to me
Lydia-It’s not natural
Mary – To me, it is (natural), corresponding to a young male who is the opposite gender. But relating to a young girl who is like me, not so much – it is why girls are harder.
[end of conversation]
Isn’t it time for the old rules about gender superiority be cast out – as a dead culture?
Continue reading “Imago Dei”
Melody and Hue Pass thru my Will Unsaid and Unwritten
“Question the beauty of the earth, question the beauty of the sea, question the beauty of the air, amply spread around everywhere, question the beauty of the sky, question the serried ranks of the stars, question the sun making the day glorious with its bright beams, question the moon tempering the darkness of the following night with its shining rays, question the animals that move in the waters, that amble about on dry land, that fly in the air; their souls hidden, their bodies evident; the visible bodies needing to be controlled, the invisible souls controlling them; question all these things. They all answer you, ‘Here we are, look; we’re beautiful.”
Their beauty is their confession.
St. Augustine, Sermon 241, 411 A.D.
WATER
To which I am, and to which I yearn.
Its many shapes and passion-like qualities.
Thou keeps life.
FIRE
To arise and transform,
into itself, everything it touches,
welling into eternity.
AIR
Far as breath may enter,
Its parts are whole.
Returned as a gift.
EARTH
Of itself brings forth fruit.
Not reward but charity.
Extended to the irrational.
Reflection:
A deeply red sun, with glorious flares of color setting on the horizon. A gentle breeze sifting through the leaves of a tree, showering musical undertones. Sometimes we participate, but mostly all happens in each moment without our control and participation.
Yet, we seldom contemplate the truth it reveals.
Who made and shares these beautiful things by which man’s greatest achievements cannot compare? Did it happen by chance?
Are we so complacent or deceived by the way natural things appear, or does this reveal a deeper truth?
Give an example of “rapture” from your own experience.
