Prayer -

What does God Say? (Que dit Dieu?)

The featured image is the title page from my grandmother’s 100-year-old french prayer book titled, “L’Ange Conducteur Dans La Devotion Chretienne.”

Its title is loosely translated as “Guidance of the Angel in Christian Devotion.” The original author is Jacque Coret (1631-1721) of Liege Belgium. This particular 40th edition was likely printed during the 1920s.

My paternal grandmother preparing chicken at a family Easter BBQ (1970)

My grandmother passed in 1974 from breast cancer at 69 years of age. I was seventeen years old. We affectionately called her Mom-mom. Her prayerbook includes the full range of Catholic prayers, a few personal notations, various prayer cards, and newspaper obits.

I don’t recall ever having a religious or spiritual conversation with her. Yet, her obit says she was a member of the Saint Ann Society, Bonne Mort Society, and League of the Sacred Heart. It seems she was a prayerful woman. And like many of her generation in south Louisiana, she would have learned her Catholic faith from community and family in french.

I was brought up with the same Catholic prayers, doctrine, and dogma as my grandmother, except in English. Like my grandmother, my faith foundation was set up by family and church tradition, but times have changed. And being able to look back causes me to think about how time, language, and custom evolve our understanding and practice in matters of personal faith.

It seems that personal differences derive from man, not God. And begs the question: To what extent are our belief systems conditioned from personal biases apart from what is freely given by YWHW?

If you and I were born in a different place and time, how would our faith or relationship with God differ?

The first written forms of the Old Testament were in Hebrew. The New Testament was in Greek. And Jesus’ language was Aramaic. The bible we read today is a modern English translation. On top of all of that, it has been thousands of years since the actual events took place.

So, anything beyond one’s personal, intimate, and direct experience with the “Divine Source of Life” is a translation of some sorts. Even the gospels of the New Testament which we consider as inspired are written by (unknown) human authors with a specific intent and audience.

Back to the prayerbook: I will share a few images and translations from my grandmother’s prayer book and close with a personal reflection.

PRIERE DU MATIN (morning prayer)

Acte de Foi

Act of Faith

English Translation: Eternal and Almighty God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, one God in three persons: I believe in you because you are infinitely good and faithful to your promises; I adore you and I love you with all my heart because you are supremely kind, and I love my neighbor as me for the love of you.

AVIS SALUTAIRES (beneficial opinions)

Sanctifier la Journee

To Sanctify the Day

At the time of your waking up so regulated, that nothing, as much as possible, is capable of disturbing it. When you wake up raise your god; pray while living there; then say your ordinary prayers, and plan for any opportunities you may have to offend God during the day, so that you may be on your guard to avoid them.

Attend to Mass with the necessary provisions to honor the holy Mysteries, and to profit from it for your salvation. Choose the prayers you should say there. The best are the ones that unite us with the Priest, or rather with Jesus Christ, who is the invisible Priest.

Give, if possible, half an hour, or a quarter of an hour to meditation on a truth of Christianity or on the Passion of Jesus Christ. Learn how to do this exercise. Perhaps the best is that given to us by healthy Francois de Sales in the second part of his introduction to the devout life, or of his Philotee. If you understand the importance of meditation, always find the time to do it, and if you do it, you will soon learn to do it easily.

Give some time to read a good book every day. Read to the presence of God who speaks to you yourself. Penetrate yourself of what you read, taste it, apply it to yourself, and ask him the graces to execute the good desires, that he inspires you by this reading, which is a kind of meditation, and takes the place of a sermon when you can’t attend.

Raise your Heart to God at the beginning of each action, offer it to him and make frequent and familiar use of the prayers which are short aspirations or affectionate impulses that bring to God: Lord, I hope in you … I love you with all my heart … Forgive me my God, the fault that I have just committed. Saint Francois de Sales, that these aspirations support in the absence of all other orations, and that all the others do not supersede the defect of these. They can be done anytime, anywhere, and in the midst of bigger occupations.

PRIERE DU SOIR (evening prayer)

Metton-nous en la presence de Dieu, et adorons-le

Let us put ourselves in the presence of God and worship him.

English Translation: My God, I appear before you, at the end of this day, to adore you through Jesus Christ your very dear Son, and to thank you in his name for all the graces I have received from you.

My God, sovereign judge of men, who, by infinite mercy, does not want the sinner to perish, but that he avoids by penance your fearful judgments; I humbly present myself to you, to give you an account of this day. Give me, Lord, the lights don’t I need to know my faults, and the pain necessary to hate them well.

Societe de l’ANGE-GARDIEN

“Je suis la resurrection et la vie”

Funeral card of my grandmother’s brother, Weston Clause, and his obit glued to the back cover of her prayer book. She was 25 when he died from meningitis. My father was born a year later and was given his late uncle’s namesake. Below the obit, she noted her step-grandmother’s death.

Personal Reflection

“We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit that is from God, so that we may understand the things freely given us by God.” (1 Corinthians 2:12)

My grandmother’s prayerbook contains nearly 500 pages and over 40,000 words of someone else’s thoughts. May God bless them.

I am grateful for the faith formation by my parents and grandparents. It gave me a foundation and starting point. All was proper for the moment but I am no longer a child.

Trust in God, “as the source of all that is life,” – is to be lived in the present.

If one accepts a faith of redemption and grace, the divine relationship is to be lived in its present moment, not in the past nor the future. There is no need to build bigger barns to keep past thoughts, words, or actions.

Only gratitude and surrender required.

“The truth of the matter is that God is speaking to us all the time in all the circumstances of life. Every work that we undertake, every experience we undergo, every encounter and relationship we are involved in is a manifestation of God; revealing something of Creator and creation, speaking out of its own depths, in all of them.” (Cyprian Smith, OSB)

Today, my prayer is less vocal so that I may listen more intently to “things freely given.” Because of it there has been a reordering of my relationship with God, the larger Body of Christ, and with myself. This “free gift” requires willingness and readiness to receive. And a desire for change not “outside of self,” but within.

No words can adequately describe the personal encounter in the soul. It is the most private place of intimacy with our Beloved. The most I could do is a poetic reflection titled “Centering,” found under the tab “Conjectures.”

Que Dieu soit avec vous (May God be with you)

Writing to God – Part 2

I held no expectation when I thought of writing to God each day during Lent. And to be honest, I had doubts I would follow through knowing reality has its way of negating my romantic ideas.

As it played out, I did not miss a day. Perhaps it had something to do with the isolation and slowing down of life brought on by the coronavirus shutdown.

When sitting for morning prayer, I would pick up my artist sketchbook and jot down whatever thoughts and feelings of the moment. Sometimes I would add a sketch for practice. It became a segue into my practice of Centering Prayer.

This blog picks up from an earlier blog titled “Writing to God – Part 1.” It continues on day 21 of this Lenten season through Easter Sunday.

“Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

Day 21 – Quiet Tuesday, my day to fast from the distractions of TV and music. May I fully appreciate the quiet. Help me Lord, to better recognize the madness of my inner noise and that of other men.

Day 22 – This sense of alone-ness and limiting interactions with the outside world and its activities is a timely imposition. I ask that it not be wasted. Allow it to form me in a new manner of living and seeing things.

Day 23 – Listening to the beautiful birdsongs this morning: Saw more neighbors out this morning. Wonderful to see. May this slowdown and less outside distraction afford me the peace to become more aware of your presence and love for me, and others.

Day 24 – Yesterday was a hilarious day watching and playing with the band of squirrel marauders finding ways to feed at the bird feeders. Today was a sleepy day. Beyond cooking, taking my walk, I couldn’t get going. I do like these simple days. Thank you.

Day 25 – Had a good long talk with my brother. It was due, and I am grateful. These past few nights have been restless for some reason. I don’t know why my body does not comfortably relax. Thank you for the silence, my Beloved. Help me to adjust and fall in love with it, especially at night.

Day 26 – I wake this day with a dose of eagerness to what fun and enjoyment lie ahead. Not sure what I would like to do first, after my coffee, of course. Now I sit quietly in your Presence that my soul may fly to you.

Day 27 – My thought stream is not Absolute or Reality. My experience with Centering Prayer has shown my stream of thoughts never stop flowing, and that I can at least be aware and break it, if for just a moment. It is where I sense your Presence most deeply.

Day 28 – I woke from a dream where I was homeless and lost in an unfamiliar area of town. I meandered through my days and nights with a shopping cart of belongings. To survive, I had to give my stuff away to ward off predators. I suppose the dream was because of tv movie I had watched two nights ago.

Day 29 – A beautiful morning: My mind is so full of ideas for my day. I get to play with creativity and spirit. I am at a new place in life that I am only beginning to experience new freedom – keep me in your Presence.

Day 30 – Woke from another dream: I was brought to a trailer house that was in the middle of a barnyard full of cows and pigs. And there were two dogs inside. It just did not make sense. King of my heart, may I remain fully awake to your holy Presence in both the silence and the noise of this day.

Day 31 – Yesterday was a blur: It seems I had more I wanted to do than time. I stayed home all day. Being bored or being too busy is not my favorite – Help me Lord to find the middle space today – and to find you there.

Day 32 – I am struggling with the hypocrisy of this world. Help me to see my hypocrisy. Help my will to move into your image.

Day 33 – I am grateful for the creative spirit within me. I believe it is your divine reflection in me and gift. Help me channel it so that it does not distract from your presence and care for my soul.

Day 34 – I woke from a dream where I accepted a job from the city mayor. Glad I woke. There seems to someone’s rooster on the loose in the subdivision – crowing big time. It brings me back to a not too happy moment from my past – my inner spirit is tense and not at peace. Help me in this moment of (dis) ease.

Day 35 – The thought of my prayer life has been on my mind since yesterday. I cannot imagine my life with speaking, thinking, and quieting my mind in the hopes of listening to You. Yet, I am still unsure of what prayer is. I desire you as my Beloved.

Day 36 – I am grateful for the early morning visit by the two cardinals outside my window. And on my morning walk, the woodpecker and the red-wing blackbirds. Although, someone dumping their crawfish shells, beer bottles, and trash along my walking route upset me. I pray for your Spirit, enkindle in them the fire of your Love for themselves, and others. And Lord, help me too.

Day 37 – Thank you for the inspiration of moving my bird feeders closer to my house. It has been a gift of your natural world, and I believe a fruit from having seen this done by some friends when I had made an impromptu visit some months back.

Day 38 – My waking thought this morning was the thought and decision to distance myself from hurtful relationships. I no longer need the reminders that their emails, nor do I want its emotional consequence. Today was a good day since I was able to resolve this issue in my life.

Day 39 – I surely miss my kids and grandkids during this virus shutdown. This morning was a struggle to silence my thoughts in prayer.

Beginning Holy Week

Saturday, Day 40 – Lord, my meditation will be your time spent with Mary, Martha, Lazarus, and disciples in upon your arrival in Bethany.

Evening celebration, Mary anoints Jesus (John 12:28; Matt 26:6:13)

Palm Sunday, Day 41 – I can be so mentally engaged when I am problem-solving and creative arts. It can often drown out the outside world. On this day, help me Lord to do something good for others. Hossana!

Jesus enters Jerusalem (Matt 21:1-11; Mark 11:1-10; John 12:12-28)

Holy Monday, Day 44 – Lord, let the passing of each day allow for, at least, one moment of grace and gratitude. May today and each day be fruitful.

Holy Tuesday, Day 45 – Today, a day of household quiet, no TV, no music, no unnecessary noise. Simple home-grown solitude. Keep my yearning so that I may always return to you. I need silence and solitude today.

Cursing fig tree (Matt 21:18-22; Mark 11:12-14)

Holy Wednesday, Day 46 – Not much to write this morning. Lord, help me remain faithful to you and myself.

Judas arranges betrayal (Matt 26:14-16; Mark 14:10-11)

Holy Thursday, Day 47 – Why is it that my first thoughts from waking this morning are about those who have harmed me. Help me Lord, to forgive and heal.

Passover meal (Matt 26:20-35; Mark 14:17-26)

Good Friday, Day 48 – Just an angry dream last night, and I do not know why??? I am just not so sure of the meaning of things anymore, and I am not so sure that is such a bad thing??? Help me Lord, to know and accept my frailties.

Betrayal, trial, cruxification (Matt, Mark, Luke, and John)

Holy Saturday, Day 49 – Waking up extra early this morning is lovely. The silence at 3 am is cherished time: a unique sense of stillness. It is a gift.

Easter Sunday, Day 50 – As I walked out the house this morning, hearing all the songbirds in their usual symphony: they have not thought of it being Sunday, or Easter Sunday, or any other day on the calendar. Why is it important to humans??? These are just human-made concepts. Consider what makes today any different than yesterday to the birds???

Or how bout those tree frogs who began their croaking only when it started to drizzle. I wondered whether I was going to get soaked. To the tree frogs, it was “Alleluia!”

Ps. Since the coronavirus lockdown, my drawing class has moved from the university studio to our homes. We were learning how to draw the human figure from live models. I live alone, so the approach has been to sketch myself by staring at a reflection in the mirror. I have produced several hilarious caricatures of myself, which evokes a bit of whimsical humility.

I hope to never take myself too seriously, especially regarding things that matter little in life. So, I end this very personal diary of my lenten season with one of my self “poor-traits.”

When I showed this image to my mom, she said it looks like her dad. Since my physical looks favor her dad, hairstyle and all, I guess those drawing classes are doing some good after all.

Peace be with you, Alleluia!

Writing to God – Part 1

“Spin me in circles, Holy Spirit, and set my feet on a new path.”

R. Hackenberg

At the beginning of this Lenten season, I spent a few quiet days at a small nearby Benedictine monastery. I was able to pray the Office with the monks at morning, noon, and evening. I was also able to finish a book titled, “The Way of Paradox: Spiritual life as taught by Meister Eckhart; a 13th century German Domincan.

As part of my lenten practice, I decided to write to God each day. Now at midpoint through these 40 days, I have decided to share my side of the conversation:

Day 1 Feb 26 (Ash Wednesday) – When I read of evildoers and their ways in the Psalms, I think of those who have harmed me. It has become an easy and empty hook which I cannot shake. I want to let it go. I call upon you, my Beloved to release and heal me from this and strengthen me for the walk ahead.

Day 2 – I am wakened with the gifted thought “to give authority only to Love – in my life and through my life. Help me to see where I waste my time, my energy, my thoughts. My soul in stillness waits.

Day 3 – Yesterday, I learned of another elderly family member had passed. When I was young he was the elder. Now my generation is of the elder and have come to realize that I know and understand very little of this life. It is still a puzzle. And I desire your Spirit to release any remnants of resentment to those who have harmed me.

Day 4 – I am beginning to see the roots of my sarcastic sense of humor. The holding on to past hurts, (mis)judgments and arrogance. I am getting older and can sense its weight. Maybe you are showing me how/ or what I must do “to lift my soul” to you. I ask for help, I cannot do it alone.

Day 5 – I remember reading in Eckhart’s teaching that people do what they do, particularly the destructive things, because they are “not” God. Which says to me that I should not put people any better than who they truly are. In other words, not idolize them. My thoughts of them is not their truth.

Day 6 – I am so thankful for the gift of children and grandchildren: as my time with them yesterday was a lift of my soul. Beloved, protect them and gift them with a mind and spirit that recognizes you, as the source of blessings and all things good.

Day 7 – As I go out into the world today – open and relax my encounters. May it be a celebration of “human-ness.”

Day 8 – Yesterday had its weirdness. A bit of inquiry into the past. Lord, I trust that you will guide me and bring my life anew, daily – through your Spirit.

Day 9 – Waking up this morning from a dream, wondering “where did that come from?” In the dream, I was asked by a group of strangers “How would you summarize Jesus’ teaching?” I began fumbling with my written papers looking for an answer. In my panic to give an answer, I dropped everything scattering on the floor a big mess. I was in full anxiety mode searching for the paper which had my answer. Once I gave up, it came to me: the summary message of Christ is to love – that is it in a nutshell. Then I awoke. Lord, let that be my reflection today.

Day 10 – Lord, keep me in your presence this day. Keep me open and awake to receive your love from others and to give your love through self. I am grateful to be gifted with a greater awareness of how my thought streams keep me distracted and consumed. It is you who sets me free from the hunter’s snare.

Day 11 – Guide me this day to be your gift – help me to hear today’s sweet melody of morningbird and know/ trust that it is from you.

Day 12 – Lord, today I have no plans to go anywhere, but to appreciate the life and freedom that you offer me. I can realize that you are working within me still.

Now at day’s end: O my Lord, today you offered me freedom, silence, solitude and I only returned back to you a glass half-full.

Day 13 – Lord, may those lingering remnants of resentment, incredulity, painful emotions, and questions that have no answers – be like butterflies, or better yet moths: they land when they must, to rest, to gnaw – but fly away they must.

Day 14 – There seems to come a sense of gift, not everyday but most. There is movement in my mind, body, and soul. Certainly, I sense it. My diminishing body – I am ok with that. My mind is doing its diminishing act as well: it is what it is. But it is my spirit, my soul, on its path of detachment, that is most alive. It is a fresh exploration.

Day 15 – This morning a visit with friends over coffee and cake. Let it be more than co-miseration, rather: a life-giving moment.

Day 16 – I open the door to feel the weather. What I hear in my right ear is the jet engine roar of the morning rush hour traffic heading to work at breakneck speed. Mixed with this, my left ear hears the cacophony of morning birds welcoming the spring. Help me Lord to value the gift of freedom, your presence in this day, and to choose to be one with you.

Day 17 – To you Lord, I lift up my soul, my God in you I trust. Guide me to lift my soul higher and trust you more deeply – Amen

Day 18 – Lord, I am confused about this world. I always thought I had some sense of it. I don’t understand it anymore. I don’t think I ever did. Only thought I did. Is this the Wisdom of a dying ego? Is feeling lost an uncomfortable, but proper disposition for the spiritual path towards you?

Day 19 – It is an interesting social commentary that in this Lenten time of prayer, self-giving, and fasting we witness the social anxiety of anxiety, fear, hoarding, stockpiling of food/liquor, and above all else toilet paper. There seems to be a contradiction of truth to the depths of our professed faith and culture.

Day 20 – A quiet Monday – Can stay in my pajamas all day if I choose: now that is a blessed freedom. With all this pandemic anxiety – may your presence be my light today.

ps. Be blessed by solitude and the prayers of your pen!

“La vie trouve son chemin”

Translated: “Life finds its way”

The above image was taken on a recent retreat at St. Benedict Abbey. I was with a group of 20 retreatants being led on a walking tour of the back property. When I noticed the above scene, I stopped to gaze in utter amazement. Everyone else kept walking.

Underlying this scene is a testament to both human (natural) and divine (supernatural). I wondered who was the last person to open this gate and why. And why, for however many years, it no longer needed to be closed. This inanimate, man-made object expired its functional purpose as a gate. And yet a simple tree without apparent mind or spirit did not stop growing, maturing, and fulfilling its God-given purpose?

And if it be that way for a simple tree, how much more should it be for a child of the Beloved?

ps. Does this simple image conjure thought in your mind or spirit of divine mystery and our (human) interaction upon it? If so, consider writing and sharing a comment to this blog.

What follows (below) are two artistic images and a spiritual reflection of my dependence and gratitude to my Beloved. It is keyed by two inspirations that came to me late last year; “Freedom” and “Wait.” In each, I believe, there is a “gift” of new life to explore and discover.

++++++++++++++++++++++

In the morning, when I rise, …

I know not how to lift my soul to you.

So I sit in silence and wait, distracted by floating images. One by one not knowing where they come, or why. I catch myself sinking and shoulders tense. So, I lift my head and return to you my Beloved, if only for a moment.

You’ve shared breath for this day.

_______________________________________

My search is over…

Time to quit chasing mysteries that cannot be solved. Listening to the morningbird, was grace aplenty.

I return to sit once again in silence, distracted by floating images one by one. I catch myself sinking and my shoulders tense. So, I lift my head and return to you my Beloved, if only for a moment.

You’ve shared bread for this night.

Never Alone

How much time each day do you consciously set aside your thinking brain, emotions, busi-ness and consciously consent to God’s inward presence and action?

An ancient story tells: Once upon a time, the master had a visitor who came to inquire about Zen. But instead of listening, the visitor kept talking about his own concerns and giving his own thoughts.

After a while, the master served tea. He poured tea into his visitor’s cup until it was full and then he kept on pouring.

Finally, the visitor could not bear it any longer. “Don’t you see that my cup is full?” he said. “It’s not possible to get anymore in.”

“Just so,” the master said, stopping at last. “And like this cup, you are filled in your own ideas. How can you expect me to give you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

The story urges me to reflect, “Why am I always trying to fill my cup, … in seeking to experience what I have not yet experienced, to travel the road I have not yet traveled, or gain the next bit of knowledge that I do not yet seem to possess?

Not to say any of it is bad but that’s not the point: If my life is always about doing and filling the voids, where is the God-space in my day and being? When and where is my “spirit and soul” offered in silence and dependency?

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul, my God, in you I trust …for you are God my savior, for you I wait all the day long.

In previous blogs I mentioned Centering Prayer. I have found it to be a prayerful form of interior silence that consents and acknowledges God’s inward presence and action. Centering Prayer did not replace any prior practice of sacred reading (lectio divina), conversational prayers (public or private). It simply added to my spiritual practices and better yet, fulfilled something that was missing.

We know we cannot earn God’s Love, Mercy, and Salvation but many spiritual practices still dominate this idea that we have to be “doing” something to connect with God-life within us. We act as though we either have to be thinking about God, voicing prayers, be associated with the “right” group and doing good deeds, etc. In other words, we have to “do” something to earn good graces in order to be close to God.

I believe this flows from the conditioning of our society. We are told (often from childhood) that to be successful and happy we must produce and of course consume. This may serve the ongoing economic cycle of a consumer society but in the spiritual realm we cannot do anything to receive God’s love, mercy, and salvation. It begs the question, “at what point in our prayer/ life do we turn off the mental and psychological switch of “doing” to encounter what we cannot earn by our doing?”

When somebody says “Let’s pray,” it almost automatically means we must engage our minds and tongues to action. Not so much our silence for listening to what God says. It is as though the act of prayer is solely up to our doing rather than the Beloved. There is a great (un) conditioning required if we are to fully encounter the fullness of “God-life” within us. Centering Prayer positions me to turn off that programmed “switch” of doing (ie. thinking, feeling, saying, etc). And it is not an easy thing to set aside: the preoccupations of my anxieties and wandering imaginations. In fact, it seems that it only happens in very, very brief moments.

Centering Prayer is simple but also a most difficult form of prayer. It is different than conventional meditation but similar in the sense of setting in a quiet space for a time period (twice a day). When mental thought or imaginations arise (and it will) never repress it but rather allow it to float like a boat downriver. And when (not if) you catch yourself hooked on a mental thought, the practice employs returning to one’s “sacred word” as a way of letting thought go and renewing your intention to consent to God’s inward presence. I usually have to repeat my sacred word a dozen times within a 15 minute prayer period. I am always having to “let go” returning to consent.

There is not much more to Centering Prayer than positioning one’s whole self for “God to do what God does.” If you wish to gain a better understanding, I have listed Fr. Thomas Keating book titled, “Open Minds, Open Hearts,” in the book recommendations.

The featured image (above) is a derivative of a very famous 15th century icon by Andrei Rublev.

Rublev’s orginal (below) depicts the three angels who visited Abraham at the Oak of Mamre (Genesis 18:1–8). It is best known as the “Hospitality of Abraham.” In the biblical story, Abraham and Sarah welcomed divine nature into their house and fed them. Blessings followed.

My rendition symbolizes my alone-ness in the presence of my Beloved. I live in faith that God’s presence is available at every moment. This is Grace freely offered in totality, but I am to consent to it in order to receive its fullness. Centering prayer is a way of saying, “Here I am.”

Welcoming and being hospitable to God’s inward presence is an apt metaphor for Centering Prayer

We all experience harsh and difficult moments of rejection and loss which by default create deep voids in our life. We can succumb to its darkness or seek the gift of Holy Wisdom so to restore a holy and life-giving environment for one’s life – while remaining cautious not to overfill our cup. And if one’s cup has been overfilled: self-emptying is called for.

The act of self-emptying is found five times in the New Testament (Ro.4:14, 1Co.1:17, 9:15, 2Co.9:3, Phil.2:7). Of these five times it is Phil 2:7, in which Jesus is said to have “emptied himself.”

ps. How’s your cup?

Gift of the Morningbird

When the sun climbs over the mountain. Just to hear you sing your song. And all the stars lay down in heaven, to take their rest till evening comes.

Sing to me, my morningbird. The sweetest song, I ever heard. Loves melody, in your hearts own words. Sing to me, my morningbird.

Don’t you fly, away from me, without leaving me with your song. For the morning, is much too lonely, and so quiet, when you are gone.

ps. Each day is a gift. Let someone close to you know that you love them.

Click to hear this beautiful melody:

Beyond mind and emotion

Where can (or does) my relationship with the Beloved move beyond the limits of my own thoughts, emotions, doings and cross over into unity with the mind of Christ?

I study and meditate on scripture which is a mindful act prayer. I vocalize prayer both private and public which is a mental act of the my thoughts, emotions, and tongue. And sometimes the work of my hands are a prayer. But when do I “set aside” and consent to listen and hear the voice of the Beloved?? There are moments of grace when I sense the Wisdom of God’s Spirit although it is most often in hindsight. And then I think it only happens when it is so loud that it has to overpower the dominating chatter of my ego and its thoughts. What I do know is that it is far too easy for me to believe that “my mind” is the Mind of Christ – which it is not.

In my prayer, I am more inclined to the doing, the thinking, the talking, and the one in charge rather than consenting to the presence of the Beloved.

God’s presence is available at every moment, but we have a giant obstacle in ourselves – our worldview; which our Christian faith calls us to exchange for the mind of Christ – for His worldview. It requires a discipline that develops the sensitivity to hear Christ’s invitation: “Behold I stand at the door and knock; if anyone opens I will come in and sup with him and he with me” (Rev 3:20).

Why is it such a big effort to open the door?

Having first experienced the presence of the Indwelling Spirit as a teenager, I have never lost the sense and acknowledgment of the presence and influence of God’s Spirit in my person and life. I’ve never felt abandoned even “…in spite of myself.” But I usually fail to “see” or be in touch with the activity and the moment that God is constantly initiating at my inmost center of pure being.

Anyone who has lived enough years know that hard events in life happen and can waken us: to a letting go of attachments, false assumptions, illusions, and certain self-identifications. These hard events either harden or soften us: blinds us, or deepens our vision. I am convinced that to walk with Christ through life’s passions will allow me to see resurrected (new) life. The recent and combined loss of my marriage and vocational ministry within the Church has been such an event. The grief is and was the deepest and I am determined that it not be wasted.

The rebuilding of my life propels me to seek a deeper understanding of contemplation and solitude. It is a personal recognition and reminder of my “unknowing” and need to live in that awareness more deeply. This for me takes cultivation and perseverance. And I recognize it all as gift and Grace. The excitement of my life is learning how to unwrap this valuable gift.

For many years I have struggled with the predominate form of prayer which relies on words being spoken. Spoken words seems to be the automatic response when someone in a group says “Let’s pray.” If what God has to say is infinitely more valuable than what I (or others) have to say, shouldn’t silencing ourselves be a more fruitful response?

Spoken words require an act of the mind. And the actions of our mind is a product of many things but (almost) always a projection of our self, our emotions and worldview. This is not a bad thing, but if I am doing most of the thinking and talking, where do I allow space, consent and the wakening of my soul for God’s Spirit? How deep can a relationship go if I am doing most of the thinking and doing and failing to give consent, time and space for “Other?”

At least for me there is a tendency to fall into a way of relating to God as though God is “out there” and separate from me – Which is contrary to scripture. Even the many words and vocalizations we use in prayer point to a God who is “out there” and that can be manipulated by our petitions. And believing that more words and petitions release more of God’s love on us. That, I believe, points to the limitation of words to express the infinite.

My holy desire brings me to the life-long work of Fr. Thomas Keating and the practice of centering prayer. Largely in response to the 1962-65 Second Vatican Council’s call to religious orders for renewal, Keating and fellow Cistercian monks Fr. W Meninger and Fr. B Pennington (1931-2005), worked together in the 1970s to develop a contemplative prayer method that drew on ancient traditions but would be readily accessible to the modern world. Fr. Keating has written many related books but the title “Open Mind, Open Heart,” covers the practice of Centering Prayer (see book recommendations).

Centering prayer is a contemporary name for the practice that Jesus refers to as “prayer in secret” in the Sermon on the Mount (Matt 6:6):

“But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”

Christian Wisdom tradition, especially of the Desert Fathers and Mothers of the fourth century, interpreted this saying of Jesus as referring to the movement from ordinary psychological movement (mindfulness) to the interior silence of the spiritual level of our being (heartfulness) and beyond that, to the secrecy of the union with the Divine Indwelling. In other words, letting go of all personal agendas, expectations, and desires for divine consolations, psychological breakthroughs, and self-reflections of any kind. More recent contemplatives are John Cassian, Frances de Sales, Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, Therese of Lisieux, and Thomas Merton.

What is different about centering prayer is a withdrawal of our attention from ordinary flow of thoughts.

Centering prayer suggest a practical method of entering our “inner room” by deliberately letting go of external concerns symbolized by closing our eyes and consenting to the presence and action of God within. The centering prayer method responds to this invitation:

By consenting to God’s presence and action within.
By surrendering our will completely to God.
By relating to God who dwells in secret, which is the silence of self.

This form of prayer is not superior nor does it replace other forms of prayer. It is simply another facet of one’s prayer life. I continue to pray through my internal thoughts of Scripture and dialogue with the Beloved and with spoken words in public and in private. My heart is still directed to serve the People of God.

In my home I have a comfortable place to sit and enter into 15 min of Centering Prayer with the following excerpt from Ps 22. I close with the Divine Office:

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul, my God, in you I trust, … Make known to me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me by your fidelity and teach me, for you are God my savior, for you I wait all the day long (Ps 22)

One of the first things one realizes when practicing centering prayer is the constant bombardment of mental thoughts. It is how the brain works so I do not think it negatively but, … it does make me wonder how much of my interactions, words, and relationships are influenced by this constant mental bombardment. I am just a beginner of centering prayer but feel this adds a missing component to my relationship with the Beloved. In a strange way it is not more, but less.

Ps. Father Keating passed a couple of years ago at age 95. The website he founded is www.contemplativeoutreach.org. There is also an app that can be downloaded to a smartphone. I use as a timer during the dedicated centering prayer period. I find it useful.

ps. The featured image of Jesus at Prayer was taken at the Jesuit Retreat Center in Sedalia, CO

feel free to comment

Tears have become bread

“Silence is God’s first language; everything else is a poor translation.”

― Thomas Keating, Invitation to Love: The Way of Christian Contemplation

Like the deer that yearns for running streams, so my soul is yearning for you, my God. My soul is thirsting for God, the God of my life; when can I enter and see the face of God? My tears have become my bread,… (Psalm 42)

I’ve recently returned from a six day silent retreat at Cedarbrake Retreat Center in Belton Texas. It was the most “silent” silent retreat I have ever attended. It was a powerful followup to the guided online course that I had just finished on the Spirituality of the Twelve Steps offered on (www.cac.org).

The featured image (above) is from one of the many trails that were available in the Texas hill country.

I am at a crossroad in my life and needed a new and fresh “life-giving” path. The retreat came at a time when I needed to slow-down and get off (for at least a moment) what I call the “spinning wheel” of everyday emotions and distractions.

There were 21 people attending; 16 women and 4 men. We only spoke briefly to introduce ourselves and on the last day we offered a brief commentary of our experience and during our final meal together. I was able to let go of certain attachments and over-identifications. I had never felt such solitude with the divine indwelling Spirit, allowing me to weep as needed, and yet still be in deep communion with everyone else.

The retreat was focused on the practice of contemplative prayer practiced in the form of centering prayer as developed by Fr. Thomas Keating who spent more than seventy years in sustained practice and devotion to the spiritual life.

In the following 9min video, Franciscan priest Fr. Richard Rohr has a wonderful explanation of Contemplative Prayer.

Over the years, I have read much of Fr. Rohr’s writings. And during the retreat, I did a second reading of his book titled, Immortal Diamond – The Search for our True Self. See book recommendations for more synopsis.

The image (below) of Christ’s Ascension was the backdrop to the chapel altar. What is most profound is Christ’s outstretched and all embracing arms that gather us to him. It is a fitting symbol for my time and experience at Cedarbrake.

In closing, one of the functional benefits of my attendance was to experience and learn a structure for contemplative prayer at home. It has reinvigorated my prayer-relationship with the Beloved. I will continue to write, as the Spirit allows.

God Bless

To know Good

A few years back while attending my son’s graduation ceremony we sat mid-level from the arena floor. A few seats down and to the right of us there was an older couple who I later learned were grandparents of a graduating senior. About ten rows further down was a lady who had tied a colorful bundle of helium filled balloons to the armrest of her chair. The balloons had celebratory slogans of “Congratulations Senior!”

My first thought upon seeing these colorful balloons was how it was such a thoughtful gesture by someone who cared for a young person about to graduate. I am sure that when the kid was given the balloons after the ceremony they would be joyful and think well of the giver. I thought to myself, … the idea would never have entered my mind to do the same for my son.

As the ceremony began the graduating seniors began their procession to the seats on the auditorium floor. It soon became obvious that the “thoughtful” gift of balloons were blocking the view of the people sitting in the levels above. By the time the procession ended and all the students reached their seats, the thoughtful gesture of the lady with the balloons had fully aggravated a host of parents and grandparents who could not see their kids because of the balloons.

This got me thinking, that a good and thoughtful gesture by one person is not automatically received as good by another. In other words, human good is not necessarily a universal good. It is relative and imperfect just as we are.

In Genesis it reads that after creation on the sixth day, God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. Creation and life is gift and that being created in the likeness and image of God can only be goodness.

And through Baptism we are gifted with the indwelling Holy Spirit and those spiritual gifts operating within us are permanent dispositions that make us docile to follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit. The seven gifts of the Spirit is derived from Isaiah 11:1–3: wisdom, understanding, knowledge, counsel, piety, fortitude, and fear of the Lord.

I have knowingly experienced God’s good gifts, freely given. I have never doubted but at my worst, I have chosen to ignore. In this, I do not stand alone.

In 1996 I attended Cursillo 327 and sat at St. James’ table. It was a major milestone in my spiritual journey. One of many spiritual benefits has been a developed appreciation for the book of St James. Below is an excerpt;.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. (James 1:5-7)

James describes the one who doubts as someone who constantly changes allegiances and cultivates the patina of faith, wrongly thinking mechanistic action to be the heart of faith. James calls us to be people of character, whose faith manifests itself in action commensurate with what God has called us to be. We are called to become authentically human. Accepting our frailty, our failures, and our need of God’s grace, care, and forgiveness. We are each called to be like Christ, who is also a God who forgives, for he understands our pain and our frailty. God knows and Loves us and that is absolutely good.

James invites us to ask God for Wisdom, especially during trials. This is to walk the middle course between irrational optimism and a worldly pessimism that betrays a lack of trust in God. Irrational optimism can be marked by a failure to understand oneself and one’s situation. Neither irrational optimism nor worldly pessimism takes seriously God or ourselves.

Are you in the habit of praying and opening yourself to God’s Wisdom and if you do, do you allow it to replace your own?