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As a child of the 50s and 60s, my favorite cartoon character was Popeye, the Sailor Man.

What little boy does not dream of being strong and muscular, and with a little extra spinach superpower, standing up to bully Brutus to protect and serve his love interest, Olive Oyl.

There may be something deeper in the idea that Popeye had to taste bitter spinach to unlock his superpower. Seemingly, much like real life.

Like most, I’ve had a few deeply bitter experiences that I would not wish upon anyone. Yet, as one works through these experiences, I believe it can unlock one’s superpower: human wisdom.

Human wisdom, much like Popeye’s superpower, often emerges from our most challenging and bitter experiences. Just as the bitterness of spinach unlocks Popeye’s strength, our greatest insights and strengths are often forged in the crucible of adversity. It is as though these most painful experiences, are the very moments that compel us to dig deep within ourselves and find out who we truly are.

I have been formed through many avenues: World travels, academic degrees, relationships, and other pursuits of passion. Still, it is the two devastating divorces and two most painful severances from corporate and religious institutions that have taught me the most about myself, others, and the world at large. Overcoming these devastations is what granted me enlightenment into who I am. Between the tears, I held faith that the source of Wisdom would teach me. And when those castle walls crumbled, so did my illusions of self, others, and naivete of human tribalism. Each time, I had to rebuild my life and sense of self.

As the famous Popeye would say, I yam what I yam and dats all what I yam. Self-acceptance is good advice for kids and for adults.

Our superpower, unlike Popeye’s, is within and often developed through the bitter trials and tribulations we endure. Bitter experiences, rather than comfort and recognition, are the secret ingredient that unlocks our true potential and fortifies our spirit. If we so chose.

I do not wish to carry through life the bitterness of past experiences. Or, for that matter any other baggage that no longer serves me, and others. What I do wish to carry is the wisdom gleaned from these experiences. So, the big challenge entering elderhood is to recognize the expiration dates of past roles and expectations and harvest the fruits from past labor and toils; nourishing new life.

I no longer need to fight for America (USN Veteran), solve anyone’s problems (Engineer), be obligated to educate anyone (Teacher), or actively guide anyone on how to live their lives (clergy). I gave the best of myself to these roles: veteran, engineer, teacher, clergy, and husband but their time and purpose, are no more. Now is the time for a fresh life-giving with heavy doses of gratitude.

I do not have the energy or will to fight on the tribal battlefield, ie. Republican vs. Democrat, black vs. white, male vs. female, Catholic vs. not, America vs. the world, etc, etc. And, if I am in such an environment in which people around me wish to participate in those fights, I will not.

Today, my cherished roles are son, brother, father, grandfather, and friend. May my response to these roles be solely of gratitude, and affirmation.

What about yourself?

Ps. Please share in the comments: What past role in your life no longer serves a need, or what do you see as the greatest gift that elderhood offers one’s self, and others?

Who has it together- 
No such animal 
And I really mean animal
That primal instinct
 Feeding the belly
 Satisfying urges
 Following the herd
 To survive

Do you find solace in accepting that none of us truly has it all figured out? Aren’t we all stumbling, guided by our primal instincts, seeking sustenance, rest, and the satisfaction of our urges? We follow the herd as a necessity, sometimes to our detriment, in our quest for survival.

We all do it our own way, 
but if the face looks composed
 Ha! 
We are still ego
Inferno

The facade hides the inferno within us—the battles we fight with our egos, the conflicts between who we are and who we think or want to be. We strive to appear put together, to project an image of confidence and clarity to the world, yet beneath the surface, we grapple with doubts, fears, and uncertainties.

Now tell me
You are confused
And I will meet you
Where you are
I am
The kind who goes through life
Blind, ignorant, and confused
Telling myself otherwise

Yeah! 
I know who you are
Why hide? 
You are not less than me 
You are not more than me 

I don't even know your name, 
As if you are a name.

Confusion is not a weakness; it is a testament to our humanity. Admitting our confusion is an act of courage, a step towards understanding ourselves and others more deeply. We navigate life with blind spots and ignorance, but acknowledging our limitations is the first step toward growth and enlightenment.

In a world that often values certainty and decisiveness, embracing confusion can feel like a radical act. It requires humility, vulnerability, and a willingness to embrace the unknown. It’s a reminder that we are all on this journey together, each grappling with our own existential questions, each seeking meaning and purpose in our unique ways.

As I reflect on these words, I am reminded that we do not have it all together, but in our shared confusion, we find solidarity. We are not alone in our struggles, doubts, and fears. We are all navigating the beautiful chaos of life and finding moments of clarity amidst the confusion.

So let us embrace our confusion, let us meet each other where we are, and let us journey together with open hearts and minds. For in the midst of chaos, we may discover the most profound truths about ourselves and the world around us.

Comments Welcomed: What are your thoughts?

This year, consider a most profound resolution: to honor oneself and, through grace – heal thyself and others.

A life journey towards absolution is a sacred one, steeped in love.

Inasmuch as there is a biological and cultural determinism in our behaviors, there is also free will. We can choose to honor ourselves, or not. Each has its consequences.

---

Accepting nothing less than where Wisdom flows deep. Where shame finds its Grace and eyes can see no guilt, victimhood cannot spawn.

The seeker of absolution sets a profound standard for life; accepting nothing less than the profound flow of Wisdom. Here, shame is not condemned but is granted a transformative power through Grace. This Grace turns shame into a higher understanding, a truth untouched by guilt. The resolution emerges a clarity in releasing victimhood.

Chambers of remorse collapsed under their own weight. The sacred release of the soul’s burden to carry, which it never intended

In the second stanza, imagery suggests a futility in forever carrying the weight of remorse but rather its sacred release; a profound letting go of the burdens the soul was never meant to carry.

Be a life-giver and never a destroyer; in the Beloved’s Spirit. A sacred journey in love as we all travel to our end.

In the final stanza, the resolution transforms into a guiding principle for life’s journey; be a life-giver who nurtures and uplifts.

This contrasts with the destructive forces that “destroy life” in our often entangled human existence.

---

The journey towards absolution is revealed as sacred, steeped in first accepting Divine Love, and choosing to participate. In this Love we become Love.

May we be guided by the compass of love in our shared destiny of traveling toward our end.

“Holy cow,” Grandpa exclaimed into the phone. “How will I ever see my family during the holidays? Your kids are busy, and you are busy. Dang it! I want a turn!”

Grandpa was pacing the kitchen, calling the relatives. With each call he ended, he looked more glum and more disappointed. He set the phone down and reached for a cookie. He sank his teeth slowly into his favorite date and nut holiday cookie. They were dropped off earlier in the day by his neighbor, Gretchen. We all think Gretchen has a crush on Grandpa.

Gramps swallowed the cookie, washed it down with two glugs of milk, and once again blurted, “Holy Cow! Those are delicious!” Then, his face changed, his eyes lit up, and with a smile, he said, “Billy Boy” (that’s what he calls me because I’m his favorite grandson), “I’m gonna host Thanksmas this year!”

“What’s that?” I asked, looking at him like he was crazy.

I noticed the crumbs on Gramp’s shirt and gave him the dust your shirt off gesture, which he did while launching into an excited description.

“Thanksmas is my new holiday. It’s not Thanksgiving, it’s not Christmas, it’s somewhere in between. It is my new holiday, and everyone is invited to my house. A new official family holiday.”

He turned and left the room, and from the hallway, I heard a “Whoopie!” A few moments later, he returned with his calendar. “This year, it will be December 18^th,” he said as he picked up his phone to extend invitations. It felt like, “Come Dancer, come Prancer, come Donner and Vixen.” Gramps was holiday command central, reining in his team.

Ps. Thanks to Erika Putman, writing circle friend, for the above story:

---

“Big family gatherings ain’t what they used to be.”

By its own nature, divorce splits families. When I divorced back in 1997, I knew then that the kind of family gatherings that my grandparents, mom, and dad experienced with their kids and grandkids would not happen for me or my kids.

The older folks of my youth are now mostly gone, and I’ve become the grandpa and want fresh holiday traditions with (and for) my kids and grandkids. The kind of traditions that nurture intimate interactions around our smaller family unit.

I’ll honor “old time” memories of past family gatherings but release any obligation to maintain what “used to be” simply for nostalgia’s sake. Nor falling prey to the unconscious marketing and dictates of our consumer culture.

Yes, I still want holiday meals around the family table, but when those major calendar dates are not available, it’s time to create a new family holiday.

We call it “Thanksmas.”

Instead of focusing on the marketplace for a Christmas gift, consider gifting others with something more important; a repaired relationship.

---

Person: Oh no, I can’t believe I broke this beautiful ceramic bowl! It was a family heirloom.

Kintsugi Craftsman: (calmly) Accidents happen. Let me take a look. Ah, I see. It’s a shame, but we can turn this mishap into something beautiful.

Person: Really? How?

Kintsugi Craftsman: Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. It’s about embracing the imperfections and turning them into a part of the object’s history.

Person: But it’ll never be the same.

Kintsugi Craftsman: No, it won’t be the same, but it will be different and unique. The cracks and the gold will tell a story of resilience and transformation. Let me work my magic.

Person: I’m a bit nervous, but go ahead.

(The Kintsugi craftsman carefully starts repairing the broken ceramic using the traditional techniques of Kintsugi. The person watches in amazement as the cracks are filled with beautiful gold lines.)

Person: It’s incredible! It looks even more special than before.

Kintsugi Craftsman: Each break and repair adds character. It’s a way of honoring the history of the object. Now, instead of hiding the damage, we highlight it.

Person: Thank you. I never thought something broken could become even more valuable.

Kintsugi Craftsman: Sometimes, the most beautiful things come from moments of adversity. A philosophy that extends beyond pottery.

Another way of thinking about this is theologized in the Catholic faith tradition; the Sacrament of Reconciliation has four parts: Contrition, Confession, Satisfaction, and Absolution. Satisfaction is the least understood and practiced.

Considering the violence we do to ourselves and others, … Perhaps, the repair of our souls needs more than three Hail Marys and three Our Fathers.

There is no substitute for expressing regret for committing harm directly to the person(s) on the receiving end – but only if it is safe to do so. If not, the next best alternative is a trusted friend, counselor, or pastor of your religious faith.

The Harmed and the Harmer

Step in the shoes of
other seeing through their eyes
Stand in their shadow
Inhale their air, bear their cross.
Touch their cracked vessel and yours.

Fragments of hidden
pain awaits the master’s hand
To heal and make whole
souls wounded by life’s journey
In our hearts lay the power.

Acknowledge the pain
No façade, and no ego
Hidden heart ascends
to reconcile true-self with
Beloved, one and other

Begin to heal the world by first starting with oneself; Honor Thyself, Heal Thyself.

---

YOU: Hey, do you have a moment? There's something on my mind, and I really need someone to talk to.
A SACRED FRIEND: Of course, I'm here for you. What's going on? You seem a bit uneasy.

YOU: It's just... well, it's a bit personal, and I haven't really shared it with anyone before. But I trust you, and I feel like you have a compassionate heart.
A SACRED FRIEND: I appreciate your trust. You can talk to me about anything. I'm here to listen and support you.

YOU: It's about a struggle I've been dealing with, something that's been bothering me for a while. I feel like I need to get it off my chest.
A SACRED FRIEND: Take your time. I'm here to listen without judgment. Whatever it is, I'm sure we can work through it together.

YOU: Thank you. It's just that I've been feeling overwhelmed with stress lately, and it's affecting my well-being. I didn't know who to turn to, but I knew I could count on you.
A SACRED FRIEND: I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time. It's commendable that you reached out. You don't have to face this alone. Let's talk about it, and we can figure out a way to navigate through these challenges together.

We all need healing, and we all need friends, but who is your sacred heart-friend, the custodian of your vulnerabilities, and guardian of your most profound thoughts and emotions? Who is it that offers you a sanctuary when you feel most threatened?

If you have a sacred heart-friend, you are fortunate. If not, start by being one to another soul in need.

Then there are professional counselors/ religious (of your choosing) who can serve as an open ear to our deepest and darkest.

So, how does one reconcile one’s soul within one’s self, and to the larger community of souls?

SPEAKING THE UNSPOKEN 

Sift hidden relics 
forgotten in guilt and shame
 A double-edged sword 
Knowing only how to cut 
keeping the blood flowing red 

Secrets forgotten 
Hidden to all but one’s soul 
Awaiting the light 
to open its chambers wide 
for the compassionate ear 

In darkness revealed 
a tender light wipes away 
burdens too heavy 
Accepting one’s dark and light
 a sacred act of courage.

Ps. Some who read these essays are people I know. Some I do not. I am thankful to each of you for listening and thinking about what I share with the world.

TRENCH WARFARE

Can you recall a specific instance in your life when you faced a choice between two paths, one that might have brought immediate gratification and another that required more effort but was morally upright?

How did you navigate that decision?

The Apostle Paul, confessed this universal human dilemma, that within each of us resides a deep-seated struggle. 

“but I am carnal,… I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”

St. Paul, Romans 7:14

It should seem obvious that at our biological core, we are guided by primal instincts that have evolved over countless generations:

• Survival
• Reproduction and Family
• Social
• Aggression and Defense
• Curiosity and Exploration
• Dominance and Competition

Biological instincts are not inherently harmful, but without nurturing or striving for improvement, we harm ourselves and others.

Yet, we are not destined to act as Adam and Eve. The primal Love that created the cosmos is also present in our DNA.

Trench Warfare

That little devil 
whispers, be happy my way 
Angel mutters no 
Instead, my way, the high road 
They battle on to no end 

Men and women both 
act from deep primal urges 
There’s no escaping 
the battlefield our souls play 
Until shadows meet the light 

At day's end, lay not 
afraid nor burden heavy 
If not, sit in the 
fallow field bidding its time 
Nourishing in its silence 

Dear friends, 

I've long considered the meaning of the Genesis story as a story of our lost individual and collective identity in relation to the Love which created the cosmos. 

Personal pride and envy is the underlying root in Adam and Eve wanting to be like God. Then, once they acted they feel as though they must hide in shame. When God talks, Adam and Eve blame each other - rather than (first) looking inside themselves. Ultimately, they are forced out of Eden.

Our return to "thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven - is a life long struggle between carnal and divine instincts which are both gifted by the Creator through our existence. This is the spiritual journey. 

My sense of human identity fits within the incarnational theology of Jesus the Christ; both human and divine. It is often heard that Jesus the Christ is showing  us the way.

This spiritual practice of first "looking inward" is like shining a light into the corners of my mind, revealing patterns and perspectives about myself. Often perspectives I'd rather ignore and forget. 

It also helps me better understand, accept, and love myself -exactly as I am. 
Which is not to say, I do not need to grow. 

For each morning I am to renew, who I am, what I am supposed to be, and where I am to find joy. Then, only then - can I give it away.

I encourage you to give this practice a try, even if it's just for a few minutes each day. I believe you'll find, as I have, that it's a simple yet powerful tool for cultivating mindfulness and living with intention to love above all.

Be the change you seek.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, so feel free to add a comment.  I'm eager to know how it impacts your life. 

Wishing you a day filled with mindfulness and purpose.

---

I love family, especially the little ones.

I love passion, the good kind.

I love learning, what I do not know.

I love imagination, at play.

I love creating, out from the inside.

I love exploring, without looking back.

I love solitude, more than noise.

I love play, splashing color around.

I love words, with their old meanings.

I love thinking, evermore.

I love sharing, back and forth.

I love challenging, my thoughts.

I love Love, and more love.

---

Take a moment to make a list.

Look within, and let your heart reveal, “what” you love and how it makes you real.

Now, share what you love, with “Who” you Love.

Why do we tell both truth and lie to ourselves, and others?

I am motivated to understand better the human will (mine and others’) and what influences personal will and actions of doing good and bad. Jung’s thought seems reasonable, personally relatable, and less mysterious.

Carl Gustav Jung, the famed Swiss psychiatrist, and psychoanalyst delved into the depths of the unconscious mind and explores the interconnectedness of the individual and the collective unconscious. An essential aspect of Jung’s theory is the division of the psyche into three main parts:

• The ego: the conscious part of the mind and represents our sense of self, personal identity, and rational thinking.
• The personal unconscious: consists of memories, thoughts, and feelings temporarily inaccessible to the conscious mind. It includes both individual experiences and repressed or forgotten material.
• The collective unconscious: contains the archetypes and universal symbols shared by all humanity (or one’s tribe).

The human psyche is a complex web of thoughts, emotions, and self-perceptions. Within this intricate tapestry lies the persona, the mask we wear to navigate the social landscape and interact with others. Our ego, influenced by societal norms and personal experiences, shapes this persona. While projecting a certain image can have benefits, it can also lead to negative consequences.

Note: Religious and spiritual teaching addresses many of these concepts but uses different words such as concupiscence, free will, vice, virtue, sin, evil, reconciliation, Imago Dei, spirit, soul, etc.

For example:

But “soul” also refers to the innermost aspect of man, that which is of greatest value in him, that by which he is most especially in God’s image: “soul” signifies the spiritual principle in man (CCC363).

(CCC1705) By virtue of his soul and his spiritual powers of intellect and will, man is endowed with freedom, an “outstanding manifestation of the divine image.”

The soul is the subject of human consciousness and freedom; soul and body together form one unique human nature.

The Good: Social Harmony, Confidence and Empowerment, Adaptability, Personal, and Professional Growth

Presenting a polished image can foster positive relationships, reduce conflicts, and build meaningful connections.

The Bad: Inauthenticity, Pressure and Stress, Isolation, and Identity Crisis.

The disconnect from our genuine emotions and desires can breed internal conflict and feelings of emptiness. Constant striving for perfection can lead to stress, anxiety, and even burnout. Identifying too strongly with a projected persona (or group) can blur the lines between who we truly are and pretend to be. Over time, this may lead to confusion about our identity and true purpose in life.

The Balance: Self-Reflection, Vulnerability, and Setting Boundaries

At the core of Jung’s theories is that each person is unique and possesses a distinct individuality.

Jung believed that everyone has an innate drive towards a natural and necessary process for personal growth and development. He called this process individuation; a profound and transformative journey towards self-discovery, self-acceptance, wholeness, and a deeper sense of meaning, social interconnectedness, and purpose in life. (Religious teaching speaks the same but uses different words)

Not losing touch with our authentic self requires the exercise of courage and faith in God’s love, and who we are called to be; ie., the best version of ourselves.

Self-Reflection: Regular self-reflection allows us to identify when our projected persona becomes too divergent from our authentic self. Taking time to introspect and understand our motivations can help us reconnect with our core values.

Vulnerability: Embracing vulnerability and allowing ourselves to be more open and genuine with others can foster deeper connections and mutual understanding. Authenticity often encourages reciprocity from others.

Setting Boundaries: Learning to set healthy boundaries between the persona we project and our private self can protect our mental and emotional well-being. It’s essential to recognize that we are not obligated to please everyone at the expense of our authenticity.

Ps. Submit only to the authority of God’s Love to say who you are. Be willing and gracious in accepting the love you deserve as a child of God, …no compromises.

Now you are prepared to go out and share that same Love with others you meet.

Fatherhood is my joy. It has also weighed heavy throughout life. I wish it no other way.

My father passed while in my early fifties. I feel fortunate to have had that many years of life with an active father-son relationship. I say the same about both grandfathers and several close uncles.

I looked up to them, yet none of these men were perfect. They had personalities containing both hard and soft. Within the larger context, they loved their children and grandchildren.

Not to minimize equally important matriarchial influences, my father’s words and actions aided me in becoming a better man, father, and grandfather.

I subconsciously emulated him in many ways while at the same time wanting to be different, to be like him and yet be my own man, one could say.

My father had a stern personality. When he said “yes,” he meant yes. And, when he said “no,” he meant no. His words meant something of value that he upheld.

On the day he died, an aspect of our father-son relationship ended. Perhaps it is my imagination, but the way it happened seemed to me as though I entered into a graced moment of letting go by no longer viewing myself under his shadow. I have my own identity as an elder male. And that my path is mine alone to walk.

I feel good in my role as a father. Yet, I recognize that “my best” was and is not always enough to fulfill all the needs of my children.

As much as I was present (and still am) for my family, I acknowledge certain life events where I was not present for my children. From this, I do not carry guilt but rather a healthy self-acceptance of light and shadow as a totality of my person.

"Who I am, which my children wish to emulate, is my gift, and that of myself they rather not is also my gift."

Perhaps, that is the best gift of parenthood.

Ps. As the cycle of life continues, the second best thing about fatherhood is (grand)fatherhood.