My friends and I often talk about our retirement. So I am tickled to play with the French origin and root meaning of the word “retire,” which is to “re-draw.” Give it to the French to speak the language of love and art.
For the past two weeks, I’ve been recalling all the names, labels, and role-titles I’ve been called throughout my life. Here’s the good, the bad, the ugly:
boy, child, father, son, husband, devil, leader, follower, teacher, student, scientist, engineer, deacon, sailor, veteran, schitzo, answer-man, guyeaux, guybeau, honey, hubby, friend, holy-man, satan, bull, rock, abuser, Anthony, philosopher, musician, artist, power-user, gentleman, too-religious, arrogant, good-man, neighbor, stranger, impotent, grandfather, professional, homosexual, democrat, republican, independent, Popsie, Popee’, babe, daddio, pops, war-criminal, mr. bingo, even called an extroverted-introvert, or maybe it was an introverted-extravert.
Some built me up, others tore me down. Yet, they are only words and thoughts in the minds of men – occupying the same house of cards.
And so, who do you say I am?
If 50 people know guy, they will think of 50 different guys.
If 50 people see guy, each a different reflected light on the retina.
If 50 people hear guy, each receives different vibrations on the ear.
Even my own thoughts cannot express the totality and truth of Guy.
So what is real and true in the mental constructs of the brain?
Who can deny that they are not more than the function of their own mind, emotions, and bodily sensing? And much more so in what others think.
Sit for a minute, attempting to clear your mind’s activity of its ongoing chatter, and you will discover its difficulty to Silence and for which it cannot enter in the “Cloud of Unknowing” or the “Dark Night of the Soul.” Nor can it hold absolute Truth and Reality, for it can only be self-referential.
Who can I trust to say who I am, or called to be, but the Love of the Divine Creator who brought me into existence?
We are created by love, to live in love, for the sake of love. It is not easy to own and claim love as our true identity and deepest dignity. The only way is to value our yearning, treasure our wanting, embrace our incompleteness, and be overwhelmed by the beauty of our need. Love invites our response. Love needs our response.– Gerald May
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