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The Innermost Chamber

“Never give authority to anything other than Love – to say who you are.”

Scripture tells us that we were created in the image and likeness of the Creator (Gen 1:26) and that our existence is in God, and God in us (Jn 17:21-23). As children of the Beloved, we inherit a participation in God’s divine life (2 Peter 1:4).

So, where is our center of “image and likeness,” and how do we partake??

From the center of the soul, Teresa teaches, God is calling. The driving force of our existence is our longing to find our way home to him. This quest involves passage through the seven essential chambers of the interior castle (her metaphor of the soul). Our doorway to the castle is contemplative prayer which is prayer of “receptivity in the unknowing.”

Below, you will traverse simple illustrations as well as short excerpts taken directly from The Interior Castle originally written in Teresa’s native Spanish and translated to English by Mirabai Starr.

Mansions 1, 2, and 3

Entry into the castle is guarded by a host of venomous creatures (the ego self) whose mission is to thwart the soul’s journey to union with the Beloved by distracting with all kinds of insidious worldly temptations. Many choose not to enter. They do not hear God.

Even once the soul succeeds in entering the castle, she can be sure that various nasty reptiles (ie. our brokenness, shame, idolatry, the ego self) will sneak in behind her, persisting in their efforts to lead the soul astray. The soul’s only hope is to cultivate a discipline of humility and self-knowledge.

If the soul can quit trying to figure God out with the mind and concentrate on feeling in the heart, … a surrender of personal will to the will of the Beloved, one can progress to the fourth dwelling.

4th Mansion

What a wondrous abode this is! The fourth dwelling is the balance point between the first three dwellings, where the soul evolves through one’s own conscious effort, and the final three dwellings where God takes over. It is the place where the natural and supernatural commingle. The senses and the intellect are recollected, stilled, and fall to the background. The ego no longer has authority or final say in defining our “true-self,” which is our God given identity.

5th Mansion

In the fifth dwelling, the soul becomes engaged to marry God. What joy! The soul experiences this promise of infused contemplation. When the soul emerges from this state it is led without a shred of doubt that one’s soul is in God and God is in one’s soul.

Teresa employs the metaphor of a silkworm that miraculously spins itself a house of the most exquisite material and then climbs in it to die. The house, Teresa explains, is Christ, and the worm is the soul before she has been transformed by union with the Beloved into a beautiful white butterfly. Only by dying to our small separate selves can we be set free to fly home to God. Everything in God is God which calls us to conform through love.

6th Mansion

In the sixth dwelling, the soul and God get to know one another better. As they spend more time alone together, they fall more deeply in love. The soul in the sixth dwelling experiences this love as a searing wound. Sometimes the pain is expressed as unbearable longing; other times it manifests in the form of terrible afflictions. Sometimes the torment comes through malicious gossip and misunderstanding from people the soul felt closest to; the kind of betrayal, says Teresa, “takes the biggest bite out of her.”

Still, much of the soul’s suffering in this place is infused with an ineffable happiness. Healing comes in the 7th mansion.

7th Mansion

The soul has arrived at the innermost chamber where the Beloved dwells. Full union is complete. The separate self is annihilated. Like rain falling into an infinite sea, all boundaries between the soul and God melt. There is only love.

Still, says Teresa, until the beatific vision given after death, the soul must eventually recover its individuality even from this ultimate melding and return to the ordinary world, but forever changed. The soul has dissolved into God reemerging with a vibrant wakefulness.

Teresa conceives of this experience as a living realization of the three divine Persons. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit reveal themselves simultaneously to the soul in this moment. “Through a wondrous kind of knowledge,” Teresa writes “the soul apprehends the truth that all three divine Persons are one substance and one power and one knowing and one God alone.”

It is where we exist and have our being.

ps. I may follow with another blog with more personal wanderings through St. Teresa’s writings of the contemplative journey. Although, there can be no substitute to your own reading of her autobiography, writings, and self experiential journey. The two books I have used are listed in the recommendation section. Also check out www.cac.org. The 8wk guided study is offered several throughout the year. It was a fruitful and timely experience.

“Our soul is God given and worth all that God is worth.”

In this moment, you are “fully” blessed and beloved in the presence of the Beloved. The world cannot change that divine truth. But know …that it will try. Refuse it.

The main featured image, “Love and Marriage,” is a bit whimsical but not without a relevant thread to this blog’s content. I will leave it at that.

How much is a soul worth?

Mansions 1, 2, and 3

“God calls to us in countless little ways all the time. [Even] Through illness and suffering and through sorrow he calls to us. To a truth glimpsed fleetingly in a state of prayer he calls to us. No matter how half hearted such insights may be. God rejoices whenever we learn what he is trying to teach us.” (Teresa)

Teresa’s metaphor of the Interior Castle “with many rooms,” points to our soul. The seven mansions allegorize our interior or spiritual journey of movement or maturity to full(er) union with the Beloved.

In general, mansions 1, 2, and 3 reflect our underlying habitual tendency to be aware of and responsive to God’s sustaining presence in our life and how we bear witness to that daily: in how we treat ourselves and how we treat other people. How we bear witness – becomes the earthly visibility of our mansion.

Following is a recent experience that illustrates (for me) these teachings.

Last week, I took a walk through my neighborhood. As I rounded a turn I saw up the road three young girls, about 10 years of age, at the end of their driveway. They were jumping up and down with joyful excitement. There was a table and one of the girls was holding up a poster. From the distance it looked like a lemonade stand. It is not a busy road and they just saw their first and likely only customer. My first response was to look for a side street that would allow me to cut away. There was none. It was either walk forward or make an about-face. As much as I enjoy engaging with young children, something inside did not want to deal with these three excited young girls who were doing something that apparently meant a great deal to them. I chose or more aptly put, resigned to continue forward.

The sign read: LEMONADE: $1

As I reluctantly approached I asked, “What are you girls selling?” Lemonade, they replied. I told them I wasn’t carrying any money. They said, “It doesn’t matter would you like some? I really didn’t but thought of the effect of refusing such a simple and generous gift from a child. I said, Sure, What kind of lemonade is it? Pink lemonade they said. The first girl grabbed the cup, the second handled the ice, and the third poured the lemonade. They had prepared their business plan.

After taking my first sip of lemonade, I asked them what school they went to and learned that they went to the same elementary school that I attended some 50+ years ago. It was to me an interesting coincidence and segue to a fun chat. I was absorbed in the joyful spirit of those three young girls. Soon the mom came out and we spoke a bit longer and then resumed my walk home – sipping on my cold pink lemonade.

Once I got home, I had to reflect upon the subtle nature of this invitation to divine grace – offered through the innocent play of children. Sadly, had there been a convenient way out, I would have taken it. Which prompted me to reflect and to ask the Spirit of Wisdom – what inside of me prompted me to seek for a convenient escape. What was God hoping to teach me? I patiently await enlightenment while grateful that (once again) I received the Beloved’s blessing and gift – in spite of my own will.

Today, as I complete this writing, a bit over a week has past and I write a followup to the above:

Last week, I almost turned my back on three children at play but did not. Because of this, my soul was absorbed into a youthful innocence and holy joy. I thank my Beloved.

This week someone turned their back on me. I was on the receiving end of another institutional disregard for truth, justice, and my soul. Just as I had experienced at the lemonade stand, my soul was absorbed into a divine truth that shed great light but instead resulted in a cry of anguish. Its truth was not sentimental and as I began to recover and (re) affirm my preference for truth over illusion. I offered my gratitude to the Beloved.

The Beloved and the chaos of this “world” both invite and call for our souls. It is without escape but in free will – I am to choose the depth of complicity.

“We can only learn to know ourselves and do what we can – namely, surrender our will and fulfill God’s will in us.” — St. Teresa of Ávila

ps. next blog – 4th mansion

The Interior Castle, St Teresa

“I myself can come up with nothing as magnificent as the beauty and amplitude of a soul.”

Teresa of Avila, from The Interior Castle

Following is the introduction from The Interior Castle by Mirabai Starr titled, “The Calling.”

There is a secret place.

A radiant sanctuary. As real as your own kitchen. More real than that. Constructed of the purest elements. Overflowing with the ten thousand beautiful things. Worlds within worlds. Forests, rivers. Velvet coverlets thrown over featherbeds, fountains bubbling beneath a canopy of stars. Bountiful forests, universal libraries. A wine cellar offering an intoxication so sweet you will never be sober again. A clarity so complete you will never again forget.

This magnificent refuge is inside you. Enter. Shatter the darkness that shrouds the doorway. Step around the poisonous vipers that slither at your feet, attempting to throw you off your course. Be bold. Be humble. Put away the incense and forget the incantations they taught you. Ask no permission from the authorities. Slip away. Close your eyes and follow your breath to the still place that leads to the invisible path that leads you home.

Listen. Softly, the One you love is calling. Listen. At first, you will only hear traces of his voice. Love letters he drops for you in hiding places. In the sound of your baby laughing, in your boyfriend telling you a dream, in a book about loving-kindness, in the sun dipping down below the horizon and a peacock’s tail of purple and orange clouds unfolding behind it, in the nameless sorrow that fills your heart when you wake in the night and remember that the world has gone to war and you are powerless to break up the fight. Let the idle chatter between friends drop down to what matters. Listen. Later his voice will come closer. A whisper you’re almost sure is meant for you fading in and out of the cacophony of thoughts, clearer in the silent space between them. Listen. His call is flute music, far away. Coming closer.

Be brave and walk through the country of your own wild heart. Be gentle and know that you know nothing. Be mindful and remember that every moment can be a prayer. Melting butter, scrambling eggs, lifting fork to mouth, praising God. Typing your daughter’s first short story, praising God. Losing your temper and your dignity with someone you love, praising God. Balancing ecstasy with clear thinking, self-control with self-abandon. Be still. Listen. Keep walking.

What a spectacular kingdom you have entered! Befriending the guards and taming the lions at the gates. Sliding through a crack in the doorway on your prayer rug. Crossing the moat between this world and that, walking on water if you have to, because this is your rightful place. That is your Beloved reclining in the innermost chamber, waiting for you, offering wine from a bottle with your crest on the label. Explore. Rest if you have to, but don’t go to sleep. Head straight for his arms.

And when you have dismissed the serpents of vanity and greed, conquered the lizards of self-importance, and lulled the monkey mind to sleep, your steps will be lighter. When you have given up everything to make a friend a cup of tea and tend her broken heart, stood up against the violation of innocent children and their fathers and mothers, made conscious choices to live simply and honor the earth, your steps will be lighter. When you have grown still on purpose while everything around you is asking for your chaos, you will find the doors between every room of this interior castle thrown open, the path home to your true love unobstructed after all.

No one else controls access to this perfect place. Give yourself your own unconditional permission to go there. Absolve yourself of missing the mark again and again. Believe the incredible truth that the Beloved has chosen for his dwelling place the core of your own being because that is the single most beautiful place in all of creation. Waste no time.

Enter the center of your soul.

___________________________

ps. I have just completed the autobiography of Teresa of Avila and now continuing the contemplative inquiry of this great mystic and teacher with another of her major works: The Interior Castle translated by Mirabai Starr. The book is listed under the recommendation section.

The featured artwork is a piece I completed today through motivation, inspiration, and honor of my mother.

Avila

“I’d love to see what would happen if all those people who think I’m so holy could witness this insanity. I actually feel compassion for my pour soul when she’s in this state. I see that she’s in bad company, and I long to set her free. I turn to the Lord. “When, my God?” I ask him, “When will all my faculties come together to enjoy you at the same time? Do not allow my soul to become fragmented any longer. Each shard seems to pull me in a different direction.”

From the autobiography of St. Teresa of Avila

For the past month, I have been reading the autobiography of St. Teresa of Avila. It is a very human story. This morning I came across her words above. It mirrors my own reflections and of how my own life is a constant searching, or longing for wholeness.

For me, this past year was a painful loss of spouse and sense of identity. Perhaps the loss was nothing more than imaginative fantasy. I do not know. Regardless, there is a re-learning, a (re) ordering of life and much of what was: is no longer.

I do not think that I am alone or any different. We all experience failure or loss throughout our life. Sometimes minor, sometimes major, sometimes joyful, sometimes painful. Simply, …life happens to each of us.

Whether by choice or force, so much of the spiritual life (it seems) is about letting go of our attachments. So when it happens, I hang on to the hope and promises of new life that follow.

I do not care to change but rather go deeper into self- knowledge and self-acceptance of who “I am” in God. This is one aspect of why I am so much enjoying the autobiography of Teresa of Avila with her openness and thoughts on the contemplative life. She speaks of her struggle as a person whose life is unfolding.

Teresa likened her soul to a castle, with seven interior mansions, all shining with the brilliance of diamonds (hence the featured image). We do not move through these interior mansions of our soul in some chronological order as if we complete one in order to move on to the next. We circulate through them throughout our human life.

She speaks of three levels of prayer (Recollection, Quiet, Union) which parallel the purgative, illuminative, and unitive stages.

At 61, it seems as though I have spent my entire life striving to know who I am. And now I am back at the beginning stage (or mansion) of “know thyself,” again. Do we ever truly know ourselves or does life keep pushing ourselves to “know thyself,” again, and again, … and again. I suppose that I could just ignore my identity or role in this universe, or how the external world sees me. Or is this the universal journey of us all???

Here are Teresa’s (very brief) thoughts of the seven spaces to navigate the various shades of darkness leading to the light.

Prayer of Recollection:

1 – Cultivating self-knowledge

2 – Spiritual confirmations, affirmations, consolations to stay on path

3 – Honing of spiritual skills, insights, self-discipline in contemplative prayer

4 – Our hearts remain open, in spite of ourselves. We cannot fill out the holy mystery with our own minds, intellect. There is a greater awareness of “heart-mind.”

Prayer of Quiet:

5 – We experience a kind of dying to our false self. We give ourselves to the Beloved. There is a bridal mysticism. There is a resting in love

Prayer of Union:

6 – Soul enters into ecstatic suffering and exquisite pain. We come to know God with God’s own mind, to love God with God’s own heart. We look through the eyes of Love

7 – Soul experiences union with God. It is the beginning, not the end. The love is consummated. There is no separation. The only task, or invitation, is to be with your Beloved.

For now, I will conclude with the following paragraph from the book.

“The scattering of the faculties happens to me often. Sometimes it seems obvious to me that this is the cause of most of my health problems. I also think that the legacy of original sin has something to do with our inability to enjoy all blessings in an integral way. Plus my own transgressions exacerbate the problem. If I had not been so unconscious in the past, I would be more integrated now.”

(These little snippets from Teresa do not offer much depth. I have listed an excellent translation by Mirabi Starr of Teresa’s autobiography in the book recommendation).

ps. Feel free to share any comments.

Limbo

I’ve just begun an 8 wk online course on St. Teresa of Avila. The study includes her autobiography and writings of contemplative prayer (Interior Castle). The study is offered by the Center for Action and Contemplation (cac.org).

Down the road (if life and Spirit provide) I will share more of Teresa’s writings on contemplative prayer but for the moment, I would like to share a recent thought provoking insight offered by one of my online classmates. It is in the form of a text thread.

Our facilitator began the class dialogue, this way:

This course and the discussion questions are about you and your sacred companions on this path. This sharing supports your fellow travelers on their journey. And when you read and respond to another’s post, you are, in effect, honoring another’s particularity and gleaning from their experiences, reflections, and wisdom. It is a privilege to be in this sacred space together. Please share:

What attracted you to this course on the Interior Castle?
What would be helpful for those journeying through this course with you to know about you?

Following is my response and the resulting dialogue from my classmates

(Me:) In my readings, I have encountered references of Teresa and John of the Cross which have piqued my curiosity. So I am exploring and keeping my spirit moving.

(Jane) I like that phrase “exploring and keeping my spirit moving”

(Me) This morning I was able to recall a short dream where I was with another person and trying to operate the sound bowl James Finley used in the prayer videos. I was unable to effect the harmonious tones.

In my dream, during my “unsuccesful” attempts of effecting the beautiful sounds for my friend, I was recalling my visual memory of how and what I had seen on the video. Kind of like a dream within a dream.

(Susan) What a beautiful dream! I wonder who your friend was and what he/she signifies to you? Perhaps at the end of the course, or in due course, you will know deep inside (dream or otherwise) that you can effect those harmonious tones both for yourself and for others.

(Paul) A few years back I wrote a short story about what Catholics call Purgatory. It was about a young man who ended up, inside the Pearly Gates, in his “own room”. He was a guitarist and guess what Jesus handed him to play? A gorgeous acoustic guitar which Jesus played an E chord on; the sound was out of this world, excuse the pun. But when Dave tried to play the same E chord a few seconds later… it was out of tune! He reached for the tuning screws to tune it… and there weren’t any! After a while he began to realize the guitar was him! (finish story later, if you like). Sorry, have to rush off.

(Me) Paul, This may surprise you. Just last week, I shared some of my inner reflections with a couple of friends in that it feels like my life is in limbo (for reasons I may share later).. So yes, I would like to hear the entire story. By the way, I am also a guitarist.

(Paul) Okay, here’s the rest of the story, …although rather truncated.

Dave has had one almighty fight with his brother, Steve (over a girl friend) and that’s why the two brothers end up dead. And before Jesus. Steve comes into Dave’s “room” and Jesus leaves them to sort out the enmity that had been building for some years (and his dad arrives too, since Dave hasn’t spoken to him for close on 15 years). The conversation is difficult, painfully so, but as the three let go of the anger and hurt and really listen to each other, Dave finds his guitar slowly comes into tune. And when they finally reconcile (a very painful experience, but liberating) what better thing to do than play a number together. Which they do!

This is how, in very limited terms, I imagine what we call The Judgement. Not so much a one on one with God as He reveals the shadows we have denied but more as the Need to do whatever it takes, there and then, to reconcile with each other. And apologize to all we have really hurt and forgive those who may have caused us or others enormous pain. Jesus then becomes the Peace between us.

(Me) All I can say is Wow! (end of thread)

ps. I do not know about purgatory, but if there is – Paul’s story hits the chord for me.

Is there someone who needs your forgiveness?

Feel free to share your thoughts – using the comments.

Fig Tree

“I tell you, something greater than the temple is here. And if you had known what this means, …” (Matt 12:6-7)

Each person has their own mental or spiritual image of what Church is. For many, it is the Church of their past. For others it is what Church “ought” to be. Either way, it is personal.

In a book titled, “Models of the Church,” by Avery Cardinal Dulles he writes:

“Christians cannot agree about the measure of progress or decline because they have radically different visions of the Church. They are not agreed about what the Church really is.”

He defines five models that people typically set as their “personal” Church.

Each bring their own favorite set of images, its own rhetoric, its own values, certitudes, commitments, and priorities. It even brings with it a particular set of preferred problems:

The Church as Institution,
The Church as Mystical Communion (People of God),
The Church as Sacrament,
The Church as Herald,
The Church as Servant, or Healer

Another visage which (I believe) gets too little attention is the family unit: where we first learn who God is and prayerfully seek His will for us. In this sense, Vatican II considers the family as a “domestic” church. (LG 11).

Interestingly, the bible (RSV2CE) shows 353 occurrences of the word “temple” and 109 occurrences of the word “church” mostly referencing a physical building where we encounter the Holy. Once Jesus is raised, the locale where we encounter God changes:

“Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? If any one destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him. For God’s temple is holy, and that temple you are.” (1 Corinthians 3:16-17)

Now to the fig tree…

Check out Monday and Tuesday

The below aerial view shows the physical distance (about a mile) between Bethany and the Temple

In the Synoptic account of Jesus’ last week, before he enters the temple, he finds and curses a fig tree, a prophetic symbol of God’s judgment on that temple that was bearing no fruit.

The significance of this scripture for us today, is that it points us to reflect upon our own selves, our families, religious institutions, social groups and to the extent in which we serve interests that would earn Jesus’ outrageous rebuke.

I find the chart offers a wonderful scriptural map to “Walk with Jesus, a bit more closely, during Holy Week.

My plan is to read, meditate, contemplate, and journal each day with the prescribed scripture passages. It will be my prayer and search for “fruitfulness,” or lack thereof.

I’ll close with a beautiful reflection from Frank Ostaseski which speaks to a grace that is modeled for us by Jesus’ passion, death, and resurrection:

Suppose we stopped compartmentalizing death, cutting it off from life. Imagine if we regarded dying as a final stage of growth that held an unprecedented opportunity for transformation. Could we turn toward death like a master teacher and ask, “How, then, shall I live?” . . .

ps. Feel free to comment, or share your “Walk with Jesus,” during Holy Week.

Gallicantu

Yesterday, I was one of 80 Christian men who were gathered to listen to a man of the cloth presenting his food for thought. He shared an inspirational talk to us like-minded men titled “Know Yourself to Share Yourself.” The underlying message was about having the courage to being open about who you truly are and being present to each holy moment in your life. It was all good stuff.

He began “Who wants to be a saint?” Only a few raised their hands. Unsatisfied with the faint response, he asked again, “Who wants to be a saint?” Most everyone raised their hands.

I did not.

He went on, “Well, what is a saint, anyway. It is someone who lives with God in heaven. Who does not want to go to heaven?”

What stumps me is that most people live as though heaven and sainthood can only come after we die which is contrary to authentic Christian teaching and a form of denial of Christ.

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me (Gal 2:20)

Every baptized Christian is reborn in Christ. We can choose to participate in the divine life of God now. This is called Grace. It is no longer I, but Christ who lives in me. Each and every moment we can choose to partake in the divine life of the Living God, or not.

We are invited to participate in God’s divine life – in the here and now. Eternity, or eternal life, does not begin when I die. We are already within its domain.

We are able to hold awareness of this divine participation (sainthood) in God in short glimpses, except when in denial to the Christ who lives in me. And this denial comes in many forms. The Apostle Peter gives us a good example of words spoken contrary to one’s actions (Mk 14:29-31).

Peter said to him, “Even though they all fall away, I will not.” And Jesus said to him, “Truly, I say to you, this very night, before the cock crows twice, you will deny me three times.” But he said vehemently, “If I must die with you, I will not deny you.” And they all said the same.

Later that night, Peter denies Jesus and himself. Luke notes that at the crowing of the cock, Jesus (who must have been in the high priest’s courtyard) looked directly at him. Peter immediately remembered his promises of faithfulness as well as Jesus’ prediction. He then went out and wept bitterly (Luke 22:62).

The image below is a memorial to Peter’s triple denial in Jerusalem taken while on pilgrimage. It is near the Church of St. Peter at Gallicantu on the eastern slope of Mount Zion just outside the old walled city of Jerusalem. Gallicantu means “cock’s crow.”

Peter could have become a man filled with despair. Seeing his own weakness so directly, knowing that Jesus had seen it and now even his fellow apostles knew about it, how could he still enjoy anyone’s respect? Yes, Peter (like most of us) could have packed away the burden of his sin eroding his soul through self-criticism, depression, and spiritual pessimism. He did not and neither should we.

And soon after, Jesus comes back to Peter and his companions on the shores of the Galilee, at Tabgha.

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” (Jn 21:15-16)

Jesus’ never abandons his Beloved, and neither should the Beloved abandon the Lover. Sadly, even as we claim ourselves Christian, we still do.

Especially during this Lenten season, I find it useful to consider how easily and often I deny Jesus?

Now getting back to yesterday: Our most entertaining talk is over, most everyone is in a “gung ho” spiritual mood and it is now time for lunch. Someone grabs the microphone and announces, “Let’s say blessing before we eat! A loud chorus responds, “Bless us, O Lord and these thy gifts,….”

We all hurry to stand in the lunch line and I whisper to one of my buddies who enjoys philosophical discussions as much as I do, and I ask him,

“If all of God’s creation is already holy and blest – what are we humans blessing???”

Ps. I suppose that is a topic for another day

Tabgha

Ever stop and wonder who was around to write down the conversation between Jesus and the devil in the desert?

“If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” And Jesus answers: “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” (Matt 4:3)

Most scholars indicate Matthew was (re)framing the Israelite failure to overcome their temptations during their Exodus in the desert. In Matthew, Jesus does not fail. He knows who he is and trust in the Father’s will for his life.

We too are tempted on our desert journey. In this life we face constant temptation to grab for the lessor things which can never fill us: sensual pleasures, power, and honor.

The good news is that we come by this biblical truth without ever reading scripture. We have received our “first translation” of God’s Word simply by listening to God’s Spirit throughout our own lived experiences.

Lent is a time to wake up – again. Yet, Lent (for me) is also a time of contradiction. Perhaps it is a byproduct of the Mardi Gras culture in which I grew up.

I remember as a young child my mother taking us kids – to a local Mardi Gras parade. I would see people on the float throwing trinkets and desperately wanting some for myself, but was too introverted to even raise my hand and frantically yell “throw me something.” It took me many years to realize that was the necessary behavior for people on the floats to throw something my way.

When I was 17, I tagged along with my uncle to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. We had to scheme a lie to my parents for their approval to let me go. Some of the things I saw are still seared in memory. I do not regret going but once was enough. It was my first glimpse of this world’s level of craziness.

Nowadays, Mardi Gras is even bigger. Local newspapers and TV begin their promotion weeks in advance, showing pictures of all the Carnival Royalty and their Courts. The white folk get their promotions and the blacks get theirs. Civic leaders do their similar promotions since the more people who participate over the weeks that come to the various parades and parties spend money in town. The Mardi Gras flag flies at City Hall. Hotels and restaurants are making money and sending their tax receipts to government. Bakeries and donut shops are selling thousands of king cakes, with or without the baby. Even Fedex and UPS get to play.

Come Ash Wednesday, the promoted debauchery is over. Media now promotes where you can donate all the beads that you clamored for but never really wanted. There is even a front page article to show where you can go get your holy ashes in a drive thru. Before the week is over the local media now shifts to promoting the message that during lent “Seafood is King.” Restaurants advertise their Friday Lenten menu of meat abstinence: Fried and etoufee Shrimp, Crawfish, and Catfish: po-boys and plate lunches. It’s our opportunity to fast on Friday. Even the Knights of Columbus selling fried catfish dinners over eating meat on Friday.

Its all about worshiping our great idols.

A week into Lent, and our local newspaper runs a front page article of our Lt. Governor pardoning a crawfish for its sins. How cute is that?

Mardi Gras is history and soon Lent will be over. Next up: Easter season. We can go to Walmart or Hobby Lobby and purview all the pastel Easter decorations that are available to spice up our homes. Something to put us in “the spirit.” And tons of chocolate rabbits and baskets of candy for our children.

Today is the business of corporate executives in our consumer society to assure advertising and merchandise for the next (commercial) holiday is on its way for our consumption. Or, as we find ourselves in the old traditional “Courir de Mardi Gras,” …we hide our faces and keep chasing the rooster.

“Our noise, our business, our purposes, and all our fatuous statements about our purposes, our business, and our noise, … these are the illusion.”.

Thomas Merton

I do not automatically abstain for Lent but this year I need less consumption of this world’s noise which only distracts me from God’s Word for my life. I also need to be “less noise” for others. The latter is most difficult

ps. The title of this reflection “Tabgha” which is the name of an area situated on the north-western shore of the Sea of Galilee in Israel. It is traditionally accepted as the place of the miracle of the multiplication of the loaves and fishes (Mark 6:30-46) and the fourth resurrection appearance of Jesus (John 21:1-24) after his Crucifixion.

The site’s name (Tabgha) is derived from the Greek name Heptapegon (“seven springs”). Its was eventually changed to “Tabgha” by Arabic speakers. St. Jerome referred to Heptapegon as “the solitude.”

The featured art is a representation of the mosaics in front of the altar at the Church of the Multiplication of the Loaves and Fishes, at Tabgha Israel. The charred rock is where tradition says Jesus ate fish with his disciples after the resurrection (see below).

pss. feel free to comment on your Lenten journey.

The Chew

In one sentence, how would you describe evil?

In the primordial story, male and female were both naked, and were not ashamed. Then follows the voice of evil laying its trap of self-doubt unto Eve. She yielded, ate the fruit and gave it to Adam who also ate.

As the story goes, God turned him out of the garden and guarded the way to the tree of life, that is to say, God prevented Adam from getting back as a fallen being.

Why, to this day, do we continue to chew the fruit?

After the Fall, God called out, “Where are you?” Adam answered, “I heard you in the garden, but I was afraid… for I am naked”

Why did being naked (now) make Adam afraid?

Adam, was saying, “Because I feel shame and guilt, I fear and must hide.” Then God asked Adam: “Who told you that you were naked?” That is, “Who told you that you were bad, …who told you that you were less than what I created you to be?

Adam chose to judge good and evil. To be independent from God. To be “boss” over himself. He wanted to be his own god and his first judgment is against himself. He lost his true identity.

Adam’s plight is universal to all humanity. We can see in this primordial story, of man’s original sin, the connection of “self-worship” which leads to fear and self-alienation.

Adam (literally, “the one from the earth”) in answer to God’s question as to why he had hidden himself, said simply, “I was afraid (Gen 3:10). Seeing himself as guilty and mistakenly thinking God would see him the same way, Adam became afraid and passed judgment on himself. Adam (humanity) was afraid God would punish him for his “sin” so he hid himself. In other words, he moved against himself, he acted contrary to who he was.

Which of us has not acted upon that same voice – tempting us to believe that we are somehow “less than what God created us to be.” And who has not judged oneself and others “to be less than what God created them to be.” It is the personal and social sin of this world.

It is certainly difficult to avoid since we are tied to our judgmental world with its guilt and punishment. It is where we developed our model of good and bad, of what “should be” and what “should not be.”

If this earthly life with unavoidable suffering is all there is, then so be it. If not, then to what end should we direct our free will? How are we to restore our personal “God-given” identity?

In Galatians 2:20, Paul says that his destiny is no longer self-realization, but Christ-identity, “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.”

Perhaps we all have our say in what this means, but for me it means that new life is found by understanding my life in conformance to Christ’s passion, death, and resurrection. It is not a sentimental journey of prosperity. Its validity is only proven through a lived experience on the grounds of what Our Lord did on the Cross. It is the great paradox which confuses the mind.

To most, the cross symbolizes pain to be avoided. To others, it symbolizes a shedding of pain. On its other side is found new life.

With no intention to boast, I have experienced this passage several times and quite convinced that every other human has, as well. It is just not easily recognizable. I accept it as God’s promise, as a beloved child, who is invited to experience divine and human nature in its fullness. It is to participate in the unity of God’s divine life. I can only recognize it when putting on “the mind of Christ.”

To put on “the mind of Christ” is to accept God’s Word that I am good enough, exactly as I am (warts and all). I do not need to be more than who I am, in order to be loved. And yes, I need to constantly remind myself of this.

Through our Lenten experience, let us take off our Mardi Gras mask with confidence that we can live our remaining days accepting our true selves, as God created us to be. Let us stop chewing on the forbidden fruit of self-judgment and condemnation and rather “put on the mind of Christ.”

Let us be open and kind to ourselves, and love others “only in truth.”

Feel free to offer any comments

…but do no harm

Christian theologians propose that natural law is the “light of understanding placed in us by God” which suggest that we should be able to source within our being an understanding not taught by man but rather by God’s Spirit. That through reasoning and experience we are able to articulate personal conviction in a Transcendent Creator of Life and Light, including the dignity of the person, and its fundamental rights and duties. This very aspect of God’s Incarnate Law (in me) has been a central focus of my contemplation toward a deeper spirituality: “according to the whole.”

To believe in a God who is Love is to believe that I was brought into existence by Love and I am to reflect that Love. This is the central core of my identity and I hear its obligations echoed in Paul’s words to the Galatians (5:26):

“Let us have no self-conceit, no provoking of one another, no envy of one another.”

Paul’s words resonate within me (not) because I have accomplished it but that it speaks to me from an Incarnate Wisdom experienced and illuminated by God’s Spirit through life itself. Although, this illumination is often and easily blinded by one’s own egoic self-deception – of being someone we are not. In this blindness, I am not alone. The very beginning of scripture records first man, woman, and offspring succumbing to this same temptation of self-conceit, envy and provoking each other to sin – only to distance themselves from God’s divine presence. And for Cain, it leads to the extreme of taking of another’s life.

Paul is speaking to the early Church in Galatia about what Christ’s death on the cross reveals and offers to them (and us). Because of God Incarnate, we can now see much more clearly the source of Good and the effects of evil in our lives. Because of this sacrificial act – we have been freed to participate much more deeply in the law of God’s divine Love and to encounter beatitude not only in the hereafter but in this very moment of our life. It is free gift of a Loving God, but it is not without obligation.

In my own experience of formation for public ministry, I’ve experienced internal amplifications of conscience directly correlating to Paul’s statement: “Let us have no self-conceit, no provoking of one another, no envy of one another.”

The idea of standing in front of anyone and suggesting how they should live their lives challenged my own sense of worthiness. I am no example for anyone, nor do I wish to be. Not until I identified with the two sinners that were crucified with Christ did I understand that discipleship is not about self-worthiness. As long as I accept my “true” self, a beloved child of God (warts and all): I am enough.

Another was facing the sobering realization that people will come to me in their pain and need of healing. What and how I do, or fail to do, directly impacts their spirit, soul, and journey towards salvation. My prayer and petition is to speak Truth in Love, …but do no harm. When and where my actions fail to that end (and it does), I am to receive the wounded with a compassionate ear and contrite heart. In other words, to Love as God Loves, …not as I love.

By grace, I (we) have been given a life, an intellect, a conscience, a free will, and redemption in which to enter beatitude. In those most intense and personal moments, I find the gift of Wisdom and Understanding (not in books) but in walking with Christ through the Paschal Mystery.

ps. Feel free to offer personal comments, or forward a link of this website to a friend in need.