2018 - - Page 2

Building Great Cathedrals

In my philosophy class, I was given the following assignment:

Look reflectively at our society today. Are we building truly great cathedrals? What are we building that is comparable in scale and grandeur to the great cathedrals of previous centuries? What is (are) the underlying philosophical assertion(s) that those structures make?

Below is my response

The affective experience that one can have inside great cathedrals elevate our eyes, minds, and souls to the heavens in such a way that point us to the Creator. Less grand places of worship, sacred art and music, can affect us in the same. Even more so, the natural beauty of creation points us to the Creator.

We are to give our best to God. But, I have to admit that grand structures on the scale of St. Peter’s, Notre Dame, Hagia Sophia, and many others throughout Europe cause me to wander back in time to how those in power accumulated the wealth to construct them. I do not claim to know the sources of wealth acquired for any of these grand cathedrals, at the same time, I am not naïve to believe it was without some level of subjugating the population. Simony and the selling of indulgences is a known fact of Church history.

Perhaps not in the scale of medieval times but even today, great church structures are being built with great sums of money. The latest church built in our parish cost 25 million. I just returned from a liturgical art workshop in the middle of the wooded hills near Salem, SC and the Orthodox were building a huge magnificent church which I guess cost in the neighborhood of +25 million. We even hear of mega-churches being built for Evangelical traditions. One has to ask, is this how Jesus would spend large sums of money, …probably not.

In the secular realm, one only has to follow where societies are spending billions to build structures for people to glorify some “thing.” My first thought is sport stadiums, Also, mega-corporations, and stock market institutions, to name a few more.

Another structure to which society directs its “cathedral” money is on media systems applied on the world wide web. The smartphone is the “new” pulpit. It is the most frequented place where people point their eyes, mind, and soul for guidance on how to live their lives. There is good that comes from this technology but we are basically ignoring its darker effects and falling prey.

To expand, I’ll share an article that caught my attention from the Wall Street Journal. The headline read; “The Tug of War over America’s Children – iPhones vs. Parents: “Experience has already shown parents that ceding control over the devices has reshaped their children’s lives, allowing an outside influence on school work, friendships, recreation, sleep, romance, sex and free time.”

We all know the smartphone and social media bypasses parental influence and has an addicting quality to it,… and it’s not just children that are susceptible. So are we. The consequences of these addictions are subtle yet devastating. As much as social media applications tout the building up of human connectivity, on the whole, I believe it does exactly the opposite. It minimizes human to human contact and the development of people’s ability for authentic relationships. It moves us farther and farther away from created reality and its truths. And we have yet to experience the worst of it. When augmented and virtual reality becomes mainstream, it will accelerate the fracturing of society and civility.

If Christians of today, truly desire the foundations of our faith be instilled and guide our lives and that of our children – We will need new ways of thinking, teaching, and engaging faith formation.

When I began preparing my written response for this assignment, I googled – “building cathedrals.” Several websites came up that were authored by mothers blogging about motherhood and raising their children. Here is a snippet and quote by Joseph, Cardinal Mindszenty from one particular website:

“The most important person on earth is a mother. She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral. She need not. She has built something more magnificent than any cathedral – a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby’s body…The angels have not been blessed with such a grace.”

The website author followed, “Cardinal Mindszenty’s words praise the vocation of mothers and it’s a beautiful quote. But, …We are all called to acknowledge that every person we come in contact with was created to be a cathedral–a heart that God himself will dwell in.”

To sum my thoughts, that is the most awakening and truthful statement – when thinking about what are the great cathedrals in our society today, that is – our children and the sacredness of marriage.

The featured art (photo) was not taken by me. Although, I do claim a joyful involvement.

O-Be-dience

About fifteen years ago, I was attending our company’s annual leadership gatherings along with 300 corporate managers. The keynote speaker was the new CEO. The company had just experience the effects of being bought by another corporations and its effects: cultural shifts, departmental outsourcing and reduction of employee benefits, etc. He was speaking of his “new” vision for the company. Toward the end of his talk he voiced how valuable the employees are to him, the corporate leadership, and to the success of the company. After his speech, he opens the floor inviting questions and comments.

I am sitting all the way in the back of the auditorium and after a few typical inquiries about the stock price, and what were his thoughts about the future of the industry, I raise my hand and offer my comment, “ I believe you when I hear you say that the well-being of the employees are of great concern from corporate leadership but to be honest I have not heard any of my coworkers say that they feel that corporate headquarters cares much about them. In fact it feels quite the opposite.” I was simply being open and honest. He could have responded to my comment as a personal challenge but to his credit, he acknowledged the value of my comment and said that it is something that he knows that he will have to prove. He did not respond with indignation and seemed to appreciate an honest comment from a subordinate. That day he earned my respect.

After a few more questions, the session ended. I headed to the restroom and was followed by two vice presidents who I knew very well. They said to me, “I can’t believe you had the courage to say what you said.”

What they said surprised me. The CEO opened the floor and asked for questions and comments. All I did was take him at his word and respond. Nothing more, nothing less. The comment by those two VP’s revealed their own fears and astonishment of someone speaking honestly to authority. Granted, I was only speaking for myself, but these two VP’s were responsible for a thousand employees under them. They had a much higher obligation to speak openly and honestly to authority at whatever consequence, not only for themselves, but for many others.

I am not suggesting it is always good to say everything and anything on our minds. There is prudence involved especially when there is potential to harm someone. But to fail to challenge our fears when we hide our “true” selves from others is seldom healthy.

For me, it boils down to a fundamental question, Do I prefer knowing (or not knowing) what someone else thinks? Knowing truth is not always easy, but it is easier than living in falsity and fantasy. I do not prefer living life with my head in the sand thinking I can avoid being hurt. Someone else’s words can only endanger my well being, if I allow it. I would rather know the reality of a person, than not knowing. I would rather people know the reality of who I am, than not. Otherwise, there cannot exist an honest and respectful relationship between two people.

Harm due to a lack of personal honesty between people is magnified within organizations of people. Failure to be open and honest between people(s) forms a culture of division and fear, dysfunction, and ultimately corruption that leads to forms of abuse.

Whatever a secular corporate organization may say about how it values its employees, its actions will betray the truth. They exist to make a dollar, and the dollar is above any employee’s worth. The culture is beholden to the dollar and its systemic systems of controlling and forcing obedience will serve its ends even at the expense of its employees.

When our employer fail us – we can just leave. This is not so much the case to our Christian faith. If we claim to be an authentic Christian, the Body of Christ, our mission, leadership, and obligation to holding each other accountable is clear.

Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matt 28:18-20 (ESV)

The Church’s mission is clear. I’ll share a related experience in regards to our obligation to obedience:

A couple of years into ministerial formation, our mentors communicated their frustration by what they called our “grumblings.” Instead of a soulful inquiry to identify the source of our “grumblings” we were asked to write a reflection on the following questions:

Does obedience come easily for you, or is it a struggle?
To whom would you say you are obedient, and how?

After everyone turned in their assignments, they selected one candidate’s reflection to be read back to the whole group. It spoke of his struggle with (human) authority.

Below is an excerpt from my reflection:

[Coincidently, I am reading a book titled, A New Friendship, The Spirituality and Ministry of the Deacon, by Msgr. Edward Buelt. It offers clarity regarding obedience in diaconate service. He states, with his “Present” the deacon-candidate affirms three things.

First he professes that he willingly offers his heart in love for the One speaking.
Second, he promises to offer willingly his obedience, his careful hearing, to the Logos and to the Word that has redeemed and sanctified him and now calls him to the diaconate.
Third, he testifies that he is willing to give his life so that Christ, the Suffering Servant, whose icon he will become, may conform him to himself.

St. John Paul II’s wrote,“When a person is touched by the Word, …obedience is born, that is listening, which changes life” (Orientale lumen 10).]

It is important to note that the Latin etymology for “obedience” means “to hear or listen towards.” This is not typically what most people believe obedience to mean. We also find this aspect early in the Hebrew Old Testament for our act of obedience to God in the “Shema.” (Det 6:4)

Certainly, there is a necessary obedience to hierarchy. Without it there is chaos in the Church but our first and highest obedience is to the Word. Many of us have lost sight of this and more so, the clergy. It is to the “Word” that we have to hold each other accountable. Church leaders do not get a free pass. If there be any doubt, just consider the religious leaders of Jesus time and how they treated him, and how he responded to their corruption.

Romans 1:5 speaks of “obedience of faith.” As Christians, this obligation transcends authority of any man. It is this obedience that exercises our true goodness and fullness in this life – allowing each of us a foretaste in divine life.

To live this form of obedience is to honor God, oneself and others. If it takes courage to be open and honest so be it. But it is such a simple thing. If we truly believe in the gospel we will recognize our own self worth and live with the conviction of our Savior “and behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

I have come across both clergy and laity who acted as though they had the responsibility to protect Jesus and His Church. By their arrogance they have it backwards. Jesus does not need me, or anyone else, to protect Him. I need him to protect me and that is exactly why He was sent and why I am Christian.

The featured image is a simple image created while experimenting with alcohol inks.

Mother of Tenderness

What does the loving glance of a mother holding her infant child speak, …but that startling glow of Grace.

What do the eyes of the child return, …but the gift of its Soul.

Who cannot see the halo bright and warm, …as the moon’s glow?

The featured image is an icon titled, “Mother of Tenderness.” It is one of my favorite images of Jesus’s mother. It signifies the private relationship between Mother and Child. I painted it for my daughter soon after she announced her first pregnancy.

In the world of sacred icons of the Mother of Jesus, there are three main ontological categories according to three distinct images of action (or three types of relationship) of spirit and matter, against the background of the earthly, heavenly and divine.

Our Lady of Tenderness (joy):
Our Lady of the Way (ascent, guidance):
Our Lady of the Sign (the standing vigilant before God in prayer).

A Cluck by any other name…

In a recent sermon by Dr. Charles Stanley he said something that piqued my spiritual curiosity. He said that when we call someone a fool it is an expression of our anger. I had never connected the two. In research, I found that scripture speaks about fools and foolish behavior from many different angles, but in Matt 5:20-23, Jesus says;

“For I tell you, if your uprightness does not surpass that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never get into the kingdom of Heaven.

You have heard how it was said to our ancestors, You shall not kill; and if anyone does kill he must answer for it before the court. But I say this to you, anyone who is angry with a brother will answer for it before the court; anyone who calls a brother “Fool” will answer for it before the Sanhedrin; and anyone who calls him “Traitor” will answer for it in hell fire.”

The overall context of this scripture is about the sin of holding anger against another person. What hooked my attention is that for some reason that I had yet figured, the word “cluck” had insidiously entered my vocabulary. My subconscious swapped the word “cluck” to describe people whom I judge as “fool.” And, if I apply creative liberty to Shakespeare;

What’s in a name? that who we call a “fool”
By any other name would smell as sour;

Cluck and fool mean the same. I say insidious because to call someone a fool comes across as too arrogant and prideful especially since I claim my worst sins in life as “foolish mistakes.” Foolish mistakes (rather than sins) suggest that there is something to be learned and not repeated and believe I have come that far. So to outright judge and label someone as a fool is to be forgetful of my own history. But calling someone a “cluck” (for me) was OK and rather humorous thereby slipping by my moral sensibilities. Until now.

The root of calling someone a fool to be anger caused me to introspect. I do not think of myself as an angry person in fact I consider myself awfully tolerant of my own mistakes and that of others. But I am highly critical when I experience false words and actions in others. I am acutely sensitive to this in myself and I am sure this internal struggle shows itself through external actions and relationships with others. Even if I cannot easily recognize it.

Thomas Merton in his book “The Ascent To Truth,” goes on to say that, the success or failure of a man’s spiritual life depends on the clarity with which he is able to see and judge the motives of his moral acts. To use a term canonized by ascetic tradition, the first step to sanctity is self knowledge.

I consider my curiosity of things to be my greatest personal strength. I am always drive to ask or understand the “Why?” of things. It keeps me exploring, developing, and learning. I have been told that I go more deeply in thought than the average person. At the same time, I also think too highly of my intellect. Broad knowledge and deep thinking is certainly good but it is also a pitfall in nurturing a “pride of intellect” to which I must confront. Thomas Merton has characterized this sin, as the sin of …being a “Pharisee of Knowledge.” I get this.

To keep all this in perspective, I do believe there is a ying/yang aspect to our personality. Our personal strengths and weaknesses are intertwined and do not exist without the other. One seems to motivate the other. This is a gift and I try to be accepting of it.

On another point, Merton states that the greatest problem (in the spiritual life) is not in being able to identify the obvious evil mistakes (sins) in our life’s actions. Mine come readily and fortunately I have passed through Reconciliation and able to release their stranglehold of guilt and shame from my life. But to identify and unmask any of the “little” things that appear justified as good, that which Merton calls “disordered impulses” that seem at first to be spiritual and aimed at the highest good, but are at its root sinful – is never easy.

To consider spiritual areas of desired growth in my personhood, I only have to identify what I believe to be the strength of my person and ask; “What drives my desire for the good of knowledge and new experience?” A truthful response will expose its underbelly. And, this is a fertile ground for growth in the spiritual life.

So when I consider someone a ‘cluck” it may seem like a small, insignificant, and humorous act (to me) but it is not. It is rooted in my own harsh act of judging myself and others.

If I am truly desiring acceptance of God’s Will for my life, I am to imitate “Abba (who is) is a life giver, …never a destroyer.”

The featured image of a true “cluck” was done at a recent watercolor workshop.

The Courage to Be – Part 3

This old turtle is probably the oldest play thing in our public park. It hasn’t changed over the years. I played on it as a kid, I have brought my children and grandchildren to play on it. I am still fascinated with its caricature and simplicity.

Unlike this turtle, we come into this world as body, mind, and spirit. We experience constant forces of change. So why do we tend to fight change often “to the death?” We resist even when we acknowledge areas of our life that need to change for our own good?

The particular change that I am speaking is best described by a Greek term “metanoia.” which essentially means “to go beyond our present thought – which we construct and base our lives.”

I can think of two forms of change agents, ie. internal and external, that effect metanoia. Our personal will is an “internal” force. And when we are kind to ourselves, our will moves us through a less complicated and less painful metanoia.

Then there are “external” events, outside of our control that violently shatters our illusions of self and our future. Such as when we experience traumatic events of violence or the loss of a loved one, and we are forced into an emotional and mental deconstruction of our present sense of self and our environment. It is when we painfully learn how much of our thought about personal security and our future – was simply a mental fantasy.

These forced deconstructions are much more difficult to overcome. They tend to drive us into a dark corner to hide from ourselves and others. It is our personal jail and we are too scared to come out, …we are simply dying a slow death. In psychological terms, we are faced with a fight or flight response. We will not heal from emotional pain that invariably comes to all of us if we hide from it, to heal we must face it and allow ourselves to feel it. There is a quote I remember from long ago, and I don’t remember the author so I will paraphrase, to move through the pain of grief, one must savor it as though one is sipping on a glass fine wine.

Grief is to be felt, not ignored. And part of the process of healing from grief is allowing oneself to remain open and vulnerable to others through time. It is also helpful to fill the loss with some “thing” by gifting yourself with what offers you new life by stepping in to any unfulfilled passions and interest that you have yet realized in our life. In simpler words, what have you always wanted to experience but haven’t? To step into it is the act of creating anew.

It is beyond me to fully understand why people (even institutions) do harm to self and to others. Some have postulated it is because we are all “imperfect” people but that only sounds like a rationalization or a position of tolerance to evil. If it is truly a part of our human condition to hurt ourselves and others, does the scale of harm have to be so great? I think not.

I know that I have hurt others through my own ignorance and hopefully not so great that it was not easily overcome. I have also been hurt deeply by others. I do not for a moment think that I am alone in this reality of living life. At the same time, I do not wish to live my life as a perpetual victim.

Metanoia means that it is possible “to go” through the pain in this life and find something anew on the others side. I do not have to stay in the same place nor do I want to. I choose my life to be in constant movement toward God (and others) in my true being. This does take forgiveness which is the choice to “letting go” of the past, anticipating the future, and being attentive to the present. It is the act of metanoia.

We can recognize a much larger scheme at work in our lives once we recognize that the passion, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ is also the movement in our own life. Not that the passion and death is easy, but that no matter what death we experience in this life, even our little deaths, there will always be for us – new life, …always.

The featured image is a recent photo. Maybe, it’s time to name my old endeared friend, any thoughts?

The Courage to Be – Part 2

I typically do not memorize quotes but one that has stuck with me is “No Man is an Island,” which is a book title by Trappist Monk Thomas Merton. My ego likes to convince me that I am independent and can stand alone but this is a lie. Merton’s quote continues to check my ego. Truth is that I need others not only to survive, but thrive.

In a broader sense that is true for all of us, if it were not for societies and organizations we would live a very limited existence. We observe others and we learn by living with others and by living like them. We ought not discount the value of secular society with its own government and leaders nor in the spiritual realm of church, as the People of God, which is also constituted as a society governed by church leaders.

Our instinctual desire and need to belong has its blessings as well as disadvantages. Fortunately, we do not gain eternal damnation due to the sins of others and less so, do we gain eternal life because of another. Each individual needs to work out his own personal identity and salvation. So what are we to do as individuals within a society or corporate body when the actions of its leadership or membership goes against the gospel?

To illustrate, …you are a mid-level manager and long time employee of a company. In a few more years you will be eligible for a retirement pension. You find out that for years your beloved company has been dumping toxic chemicals in a river that supplies drinking water for a community. When this becomes public it also exposes a corporate cover up. The criminal act and corporate deception violates your own ethos. What do you do? You yourself have done no wrong but since you are a member of the corporate body, you are complicit in its sickness. What is your course of action, …where does your subservience or obedience to corporate leadership lay?

Now, whether in the secular or spiritual realm, it is hardly a moot issue for St Paul in 1 Cor 12:25-26 states, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. To act as though we are clean members and others are dirty members changes nothing. Corporate sickness, committed by a few, covers all its members.

Have you ever wondered why an organization or institutional culture is the way it is, even though everyone acknowledges that it needs to change? It is simple, it is the way it is because the people who have the authority to change it – do not want to change it. It is foolish to think that the leadership which created the culture and chooses to maintain the status quo has any will or ability to change it. The primary act of an institution is to protect itself, even those who profess to exist only to do good works.

Authentic leadership is about, “walking the talk,” and not “talking the walk.” I am quite convinced that “Everything rises or falls on leadership. When leadership fails it first tries shift blame or focus elsewhere. And until the culture holds leadership accountable to walk the walk, before talking – nothing changes.

Regarding obedience, I was once asked two questions, the first, “Does obedience come easy for you, or is it a struggle?” My response was that my obedience is a constant struggle.

To the second question, “To whom would you say you are obedient, and how? I responded in the following:

In an autocratic hierarchy, obedience is viewed as a top down expectation from superior to subordinate as though it is a one way street. In truth and justice, obedience is a two way street which holds equal responsibility regardless of position held in hierarchy. Obedience to authority has it place but it also has its limit and can be evidenced by Jesus’ challenge to the secular and religious authorities of his day.

Personally, I accept that obedience is necessary within institutional hierarchy and governance. Its absence usually means chaos. My father’s autocratic parenting as well as my military service was a good lesson and went far in keeping me safe and helping me to mature. Although, as I have grown, I’ve learned that Servant Leadership, rather than autocratic leadership is a higher form in which to aspire. It is (by far) more difficult to exercise but, by all accounts it is the form of service we see by Jesus in the gospels.

Whether one is a corporate superior or subordinate, the first step to understanding “healthy” obedience is to give primacy to the gospel allowing it to conform our life and actions to Christ. And yes, it will come with the cross.

I’ll close with a reference from St. John Paul II, “When a person is touched by the Word, …obedience is born, that is listening, … which changes life” (Orientale lumen 10).

Here the pope is not saying “Shut up and follow my Orders!” he is saying, “Listen to the Word of God, and you will fulfill your vow of obedience.”

My response; “Wow!”

There is a natural laziness that moves us to accept the easiest solutions in life. In the secular example above, it is easiest to be silent and subservient to institutional power and the cultural group think. On the other hand, it takes a great courage (that does not come easy) to live obedient to the gospel of Jesus Christ. But this is our baptism call.

The featured image is a collage representing my struggle to not become lost in any aspect of corporate culture that fails the gospel.

The Courage to Be – Part 1

It is good to have an ego but an exaggerated egoic mind constantly bombards us with a self-centered fantasy working to convince us with an image of we are in comparison to others – this “false” image maker never stops.

In addition, people around us will sometimes tell us who they think we are but mostly they keep their thoughts to themselves. It becomes their little secret to wage love and war. No matter who we are or what we do – some people will appreciate, some will dislike but most will just be indifferent.

The internal messages we tell ourselves and the self-projections that others put on us easily influence us and are powerful motivators for good and bad. We are all susceptible, but to allow one’s life to be dominated or driven by an exaggerated ego or the self-projection of others is to chase the wind.

Much, if not all of our internal and personal conflicts and conflicts within society and between societies can be traced to a loss of self-identity. It only takes open eyes to know that sin is real and evil is real. We are bombarded constantly with thoughts from within and from outside that we are less than who we were created to to “Be.” But sin is not who we are – sin is who we are NOT. When we lose sight of this, we become lost. And the challenge is to return to the pathway on our journey back to God.

We all live in dysfunction to one degree or another but all creation is “good” and “holy.” Our “origin” is “holy.” We were created in “Original Holiness.”

What I choose to believe is my core essence (and yours) is this:

I am holy.

I was holy.

I was always holy.

I know this to be true because Christ loved me into holiness and gave me the presence of the Holy Spirit.

I am called to holiness by Christ himself, who taught, in the words of St. Matthew, to be “perfect as God is perfect.” By transforming the activities and events of my everyday life into holy moments, I will grow in this perfection and the world will more and more resembles God’s Reign.

“Love God with all your heart,” the Scriptures tell me, “with all your soul, with all your understanding, with all your strength. Love one another as Christ loves you.” These commands in Scripture are really an invitation to be holy. By holy love, I nurture in the world a way of life that is more gentle, more beautiful, more human.

Over and over again, the Scriptures describe what this holiness will resemble: a heart of mercy, humility, meekness, patience, awareness of God’s mercy when I have sinned, and a spirit of forgiveness toward others.

There are many ways for me to live out this call to be holy. I should walk according to my own personal gifts and duties, in the pathway of a living faith. I am to model my life after the apostles, who worked tirelessly for the Gospel. In my sufferings of this life, I am to find holiness in my special relationship with Christ who suffered.

Love is the principal way to holiness. Beyond that and included within it are the sacraments, prayer, the Eucharist, self-sacrifice, service to others, and virtue lived every day. As a faithful imitator of Christ, I am invited to strive for holiness, even perfection.

I pray to hear deeply God’s call within me, observant and appreciative of life’s unique treasures. Let neither the use of things of this world nor attachment to riches hinder me in my quest for perfect love.

This post is the first of a series of short essays titled, The Courage to Be. The core of this particular essay comes from chapter 5 of “Christ is the Light of the Nations” (Lumen Gentium). The source text is rewritten in first person.

The butterfly is considered a Christian symbol for resurrection (new life).

Time does not heal

In the beginning God created heaven and earth. Now the earth was a formless void, there was darkness over the deep, with a divine wind sweeping over the waters. God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light. God saw that light was good, and God divided light from darkness. (Gen 1:1-4)

To explain away some awful event of suffering in the lives of people, I’ve heard (good-minded) people say, “everything happens for a reason,” or “Time heals all wounds.” I do not think so. To think so, is to say that God factored evil acts into his grand plan for us. Just because we experience evil, it would be flawed to think this is how God decided best to direct history. Abba is a life giver, never a destroyer

From the first few verses of Genesis we see that God is the source of (natural) darkness and light.

Evil is the perversion of God’s good gift of free will. It arises from the choices made by imperfect people. So, what we do matters. Also throughout scripture darkness is used as a symbol of sin and its effects. It is often contrasted with light, as a symbol of forgiveness and the presence of God. Important is that God is able to be present and known, even in the darkest aspects of our world.

And the judgement is this: though the light has come into the world people have preferred darkness to the light because their deeds were evil. And indeed, everybody who does wrong hates the light and avoids it, to prevent his actions from being shown up; but whoever does the truth comes out into the light, so that what he is doing may plainly appear as done in God.’ (Jn 3:19-21)

We are all imperfect and wounded in some way. Who has not been on the receiving end of someone’s darkness and who has not harmed another by our own darkness?

Time does not heal, God does. But it does not happen by some kind of spiritual magic or without us. We must enter into our pain to heal.

Jesus declared publicly: Whoever believes in me believes not in me but in the one who sent me, and whoever sees me, sees the one who sent me. I have come into the world as light, to prevent anyone who believes in me from staying in the dark any more. If anyone hears my words and does not keep them faithfully, it is not I who shall judge such a person, since I have come not to judge the world, but to save the world: anyone who rejects me and refuses my words has his judge already: the word itself that I have spoken will be his judge on the last day. For I have not spoken of my own accord; but the Father who sent me commanded me what to say and what to speak, and I know that his commands mean eternal life. (Jn 12:44-50)

To believe in Jesus is to accept that we too will experience the cross in our life which in itself does not make our suffering any easier but challenges us to endure according to the promises of his Word and to know that the gift of eternal life is now.

When I hurt, “…I cry out to Yahweh in my distress; he will rescue me from my plight, he sends out his word and cures me, and rescues my life from the abyss.” (ref Ps 107:19-20)

There is a particular phrase in Matthew’s gospel (Matt 5:38-46);

‘You have heard how it was said, You will love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say this to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you; so that you may be children of your Father in heaven, for he causes his sun to rise on the bad as well as the good, and sends down rain to fall on the upright and the wicked alike.’

In our world, if we are assaulted we don’t turn the other cheek. We fight back, at the very least, demanding restitution and damages for injuries. Justice demands that perpetrators of injustice pay for the offenses committed. In our world, offenses have to be rectified.

In those times that I have been deeply hurt by betrayal from those close to me, I can easily forgive 98% – oftentimes never even taking the offense. For some reason, I always have. But it’s that last 2% of me that wants that person to know (deeply) how much their actions have hurt me. I want them to feel guilty before I fully forgive. That is my form of justice, …but its not of God. There is no such thing as human justice in the kingdom of God because in God’s world there is no such thing as an offense. Think about it.

p.s. Take a moment and pray for those who have persecuted and caused you great pain. If that person has since deceased, instead ask them to pray for you.

Healing will come not because “of time” but “in time.”

I Lift Up My Eyes

“I Lift Up My Eyes Unto the Hills”

Injustices of life, …loss of a spouse, loss of a job, death of a loved one, betrayal, rejection, abandonment, and false accusations by those close to us – bring devastating hurt and grief. Anyone who lives long enough will not escape these personal journeys into the valleys of darkness. The key is to move through it. I remain a victim only if I stay stuck in the valleys.

When I am in these valleys, I keep my faith and hope by reminding myself:

“Hang on to Jesus, my rock, my salvation”

“If I hope to heal, there is work for me. I must walk through, ..not around”

“Accept and share my emotions and feelings, without shame. Allow them to flow”

“Seek the Grace within these events”

“ Accept Jesus’ path through passion, death, and resurrection as the model for my own. Trust there is new life on the other side of these painful moments”

When I catch myself dwelling a bit long in depressive thought and emotion, I sing aloud a portion of Psalm 121. Psalm 121 is the second of 15 OT Songs of Ascents devout Jews must have sung as they made their way to the highlands of Judah, where Jerusalem was located, for the annual feasts.

One major route was the Jericho to Jerusalem route, which followed deep, narrow ravines nearly its entire winding ascent of over 3000 feet. One can easily imagine how this psalm might have been sung by a hopeful but very weary pilgrim. He has been traveling for days. His feet are sore. His muscles ache. Jerusalem, the end of his pilgrimage, seems very distant. Suddenly he sees the hills of Judah in the distance, and he breaks into song.

I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

I’ve only memorized the first stanza but when I sing aloud, …” I lift up my eyes” there comes an uplifting of my entire being of heart, mind, and spirit. I am strengthened in the assurance that the Almighty alone is my one “true” help and salvation. I am never alone.

Click on this text to hear Michael Card’s Psalm 121 interpretation

The audio clip is about 2 minutes in length, the first half is Hebrew, the remainder English

I already knows more…

“I already knows more than I understand”

My closest childhood friend (back in the 60s) was the known as the “smart kid” who enjoyed reading the dictionary. Myself, I was a curious about things but not much into books nor did I consider myself college bound. I was planning a career in the woodworking trade. In my early 20’s all that changed.

At 18, I left home and joined the Navy. By the time I was 21, I had completely circled the globe and no longer limited to a worldview formed by my upbringing. In those four years I opened myself to just about any experience put in front of me. I was being taught by the world, …to which I can now say is not always a good thing. During this time I developed a curiosity of electronics which motivated me to study engineering. While at university, I developed a love of learning that has continued to this day. Books became the means to discover the unknown and gain knowledge.

Since then, no matter what I became involved with, I would ensure that I had a large collection of subject matter books. My books offered easy access to a repository of knowledge which ensured legitimacy to whatever I needed to do, or speak about.

Engineering school developed my analytical abilities but I had never considered how other people viewed my approach to study and learning until a few years ago. One of my cohorts said, you know we both get the same assignments to work on but you always seem to go “5 steps further” than me in response. He said, “I am not criticizing, it’s all good.” He continued,” When I hear you speak on something, its obvious that that its well thought out.”

This was not the first time I have been told that I think differently than most people. Personally, I do not think differently than anyone else. Maybe deeper but not different. This has its benefits but also its downside. It is easy to fall into temptation assuming pride of my intellect and to some, it is very intimidating and comes across as arrogant.

One simple example that comes to mind is a time when one of my coworkers gave me feedback by saying that I would do better if I took the dictionary off my desk. Apparently, I used too many “5 dollar” words for his liking. I wanted to respond to him by saying maybe it would be better if he put a dictionary on his desk but that would have been mean-spirited. He projected his intellectual insecurity as a negative towards me. Its what people do but I wish I knew how to better project my love of ideas and thoughts in humility.

One thing that has helped me through the years came from enneagram spirituality. Back 15 years, I attended a workshop on the enneagram. It was the first system of articulating human experience that has been helpful to understanding myself, and others.

The enneagram like many other personality typing systems define generic characteristics for each personality type. In theory, we all fall into one personality pattern. What I appreciate about the enneagram is that each type is on a spectrum of (unhealthy) compulsion on one end and (healthy) contemplation on the other. For our person to grow and mature through life, we move from compulsion toward contemplation on our personality type.

When I first read enneagram type 5 – I felt as though I was looking at a reflection of myself in a mirror. How could some book on personality types nail me, as it did, …shattering my belief of being unique and independently motivated in thought and action? Enneagram 5’s dominant center is the head. We arrange what we observe and learn of life into some sort of order and we do that in our own private world (the mind). 5’s basic compulsion (vice) is avarice (greed). This greed is not materialistic but rather the keeping to one’s internal thought, ideas, and perceptions to ourselves. In our compulsion, we grab and hoard all we can get. Knowledge is our god and idol. We are primarily anxiety driven although we learn early in life to bury it within our unconsciousness. We (over) think within our selves – so to make what we have to say wiser, better, more fitting, all in order to earn the approval and love we so much want to have.

For me, the (unknown) answer that I am seeking is always in the book that I have not yet read.

Unlike most personality systems, the enneagram does not treat our personality as something static. It makes great sense to me that just like the physical, emotional, and mental attributes of my person – my personality can and needs to grow from infancy to ever greater maturity through all stages of life. My trap is to remain stuck inside myself, hiding who I am and what I believe. The journey outward is my way to balance life.

I began a conscious movement into adult maturity in my mid 30’s. I was recovering from a divorce and rebuilding my life with a healthier sense of who I was. I chose to join my church choir. I had no choir background but singing was my conscious decision to move my hidden faith and prayer life from an interior position to an exterior. I saw it as a form of spiritual exercise to gain strength and conditioning. Now, some 25 years later, it fundamentally matured me in ways that I can only believe God created and planned me to be. Today I experience greater desire and courage to live a deeper Christian form of service and outreach – a deeper giving of my-self to others. This blog is but one example.

I am a natural introvert. When I was young I did not speak or express much of myself. It was not a problem for me but many would express their disdain for my quietness which indirectly communicated that I was somehow lacking. As I began to open up and share who I am and what I thought, I would get this same negative projection. This time, not for what I did not say but for what I would say. It taught me that “some people will not appreciate you no matter what. I learned that whether I turned left or right, people will have something to say about me. Ultimately what matters is that I accept my (imperfect) self as my Creator does, not in judgment but only in Love. Living authentically is about being who God created me to be and not be overly concerned with other people’s judgement of me (good or bad).

The featured image is a simple collage of a “young” me against a backdrop of books. The quote is taken from a character in the book titled, “In the Sanctuary of Outcast” by Neil White. The quote was from an elderly African American woman who spent all but six years of her life quarantined at the home for Hansen’s disease (leprosy) in Carville, LA. Her name was Ella. In the story, she was asked by the author if she ever read books. Her response was, “I already knows more than I understand.”

This quote resonated with me prompting me to reflect on all the books I’ve ever read. Realizing that from all the book I’ve read, I have forgotten more than I have retained. It certainly makes me think of the time and value I have placed grabbing for new information that I have mostly forgotten. Did I grab for more than what I needed in life, …perhaps even at the expense of something else? Maybe, there is no answer to the question.

No doubt books are valuable throughout life, and I will continue reading but I no longer place the same value on acquiring someone else’s ideas and thoughts in order to gain some false sense of security in who I am, or what I have to offer others.