Recently, two people who have influenced my life have passed on. In both cases, I was able to share my personal thoughts with them before they passed.
One was the mother of my children. Even though we shared the personal experience of a failed marriage and its angst, I expressed to her my gratitude for what our marriage produced: the joy of children and shared grandchildren. I would not trade it for all the gold in the world.
The other was my 87-year-old uncle. The day before he passed, I held his hand and said, “you’ve been a good uncle to me; thank you.” It was my highest compliment. He whispered back, “it’s good to hear that.” I wanted to say more, but I knew my emotions would not hold up. I still tear up just writing about it.
When someone close dies, the relationship (as it was) also dies. It is as if the living “thread” of the relationship is severed and ceases to breathe. Our memory goes into a different realm of thought and consciousness, offering a sobering sense of recollection, mortality, and healing space – for (re)creation of the Self.
Yes, death is not the end.
Before my uncle passed, he said he wanted only a graveside service and chose me to say a few words at his burial. This was a great honor for me.
In memoriam, I share my spoken words with you:
I’ll open with a few words, then invite each of you to share any personal thoughts, or feelings that you have about Everett. It is difficult to lose a life-long spouse, a father, grandfather, uncle, and friend. So, we gather to mourn the passing of Everett. And to stand in the solidarity of family-love with our beloved Jeanne, Craig, Angie, Aidan, Joy, Guy, Josh and Alex - in their most difficult moment. We also gather to honor Everett’s long life (and love) that he gave to each of us. May we lift up those good memories of a long life – well lived. It is not easy to say good-bye. Yet, I am thankful to have had that chance the day before Everett passed. Not everyone had that same chance – So, if anyone would like to share a few words of what Everett has meant to you, or consolation to the family - now is a good time. Everett was conceived by Love and sustained through Love. It is the same Love, Everett gave to each of us. Everett’s life did not bypass the suffering and death common to all of us, - but now he has returned to that deep mystery of Love from which he came. It is this same mystery of Love that Everett spent his life-time trying to understand and resolve. Now, his answer has come to fruition. Everett’s death is not the end – but a beginning. Those who love Everett and will forever miss him – has begun a hard walk-through grief. There is no timeline for when this grief is over, but however it takes, …always know that you are never alone. Love will remain, …Love never fails. Amen
Meditation: Describe a relationship that has appeared to you with no seeking on your part. How did it change your life
Beautiful, Guy.