Imago Dei

Boy or Girl, Which is easier to raise?

I came across an old family video taken back in 1991 about a conversation that took place around the kitchen table. In it, I had made a comment but was not allowed to finish my thought. I have changed the names of everyone in the conversation, except myself (Guy).

Mary– A boy is easier to raise than a girl.

Susy – You’ll have to convince me of that.

Mary-This has to do with who does most of the nurturing. And the primary nurturer in the family is the mother, and that is what they say.

Susy-Who are they?

Mary-The psychologist. They say the nurturing parent is primarily the mother.

Susy-That does not prove the boy is easier.

Mary-The consensus (agreement) of that opinion comes from mothers. It has to do with the correlation of the mother to each  respective gender (i.e., Female to son, female to daughter)

Guy-Yall not looking at the whole picture.

Lydia– And what is the whole picture, Guy?

Guy – The whole picture is that it takes a mother and a father to have the child. And that is the whole picture.

(roaring laughter)

Lydia-Guy, I agree with you.

Guy-Nurturing a healthy child – requires both parents, not one being primary over the other.

Mary-but the primary nurturing comes from the mother.

Big John-I read in the paper a couple of weeks ago that the world is in such a mess right now because it is the mother that is (predominantly) raising the kids right now.

(roaring laughter)

Mary– Oh, blame it on the mothers – Oh, I read the paper every day, and you need to refresh my memory; I didn’t read that.

Big John-Oh no? but you didn’t look at that. All males are being raised (predominantly) by females.

Mary-I knew that chauvinistic shit would come out – Get back to your seat over there!

Lydia-That is the truth because society has dictated that teachers don’t easily support a family with the salaries they make. It would be better if there were more male teachers. Because there would be more (male) role models. The (feminine) ideal in raising a son is with attributes of sensitivity and other qualities that are important to me as a woman – to be in a man.

Mary-Yes, that is what I am talking about. That comes naturally to me

Lydia-It’s not natural

Mary – To me, it is (natural), corresponding to a young male who is the opposite gender. But relating to a young girl who is like me, not so much – it is why girls are harder.

[end of conversation]

Isn’t it time for the old rules about gender superiority be cast out – as a dead culture?

In the act of nourishing a child, there is more than one modality

A mother nurtures according to motherhood

A father nurtures according to fatherhood

One no lesser, or greater than other

A child needs the fullness of both

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The media enlarges and intensifies a patriarchial/ matriarchial war for power. And like all wars, there needs to be a demon to justify the killing fields. Whether it be directed towards feminine or masculine, it is nothing other than an egoic game of dominance in which no one wins, except for the advertising clicks and dollars. Why do we too easily fall prey to this?

Also, when Big John says, “I read in the paper a couple of weeks ago that is why the world is in such a mess right now because it is the mother that is (predominantly) raising the kids right now,” it is followed by roaring laughter.

I believe the comment was misunderstood as being critical of matriarchial dominance in the raising of children. My sense is that the comment was directed at fathers who fail their responsibilities as equal and active nurturers of their children.

Although, it does beg the question. If mothers are truly the primary nurturers of their children – why does there seem to be so much feminine angst toward adult males?

The below quote offers a life-giving foundation for nourishment that not only children need from adults, but that which the feminine and masculine adults need from each other.

We all have the innate capacity to manifest God because we already are that image by virtue of being created.

Thomas Keating

Which is to first recognize and nourish the Imago Dei within ourselves so that it can then be manifested toward others.

As a final note, I’ve never judged any of my children to be more, or less difficult to raise. They are unique in their own ways and needs and I nurture(d) them the best I know how. From their beginning, they have been a source of my greatest joy in life. Now as a grandparent, the joy of nurturing my grandchildren is a bit like icing on a cake.

Please enter any comments you may have.

Ps. This past Father’s Day, I asked my daughter what reflection of me does she see in herself? Her reply: resilience.

What a gift!