To Retire is to Re-draw

My friends and I often talk about our retirement. So I am tickled to play with the French origin and root meaning of the word “retire,” which is to “re-draw.” Give it to the French to speak the language of love and art.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been recalling all the names, labels, and role-titles I’ve been called throughout my life. Here’s the good, the bad, the ugly:

boy, child, father, son, husband, devil, leader, follower, teacher, student, scientist, engineer, deacon, sailor, veteran, schitzo, answer-man, guyeaux, guybeau, honey, hubby, friend, holy-man, satan, bull, rock, abuser, Anthony, philosopher, musician, artist, power-user, gentleman, too-religious, arrogant, good-man, neighbor, stranger, impotent, grandfather, professional, homosexual, democrat, republican, independent, Popsie, Popee’, babe, daddio, pops, war-criminal, mr. bingo, even called an extroverted-introvert, or maybe it was an introverted-extravert.

Some built me up, others tore me down. Yet, they are only words and thoughts in the minds of men – occupying the same house of cards.

And so, who do you say I am?

Who can deny that they are not more than the function of their own mind, emotions, and bodily sensing? And much more so in what others think.

Sit for a minute, attempting to clear your mind’s activity of its ongoing chatter, and you will discover its difficulty to Silence and for which it cannot enter in the “Cloud of Unknowing” or the “Dark Night of the Soul.” Nor can it hold absolute Truth and Reality, for it can only be self-referential.

Who can I trust to say who I am, or called to be, but the Love of the Divine Creator who brought me into existence?

We are created by love, to live in love, for the sake of love. It is not easy to own and claim love as our true identity and deepest dignity. The only way is to value our yearning, treasure our wanting, embrace our incompleteness, and be overwhelmed by the beauty of our need. Love invites our response. Love needs our response.– Gerald May

+++++++

“Make Way!”

The US Navy has a term often shouted to clear a passage-way for an important person or activity. The term is “Make Way!” As I enter the elder phase of life, the term has a new meaning.

None of us escape the creeping diminishments of an aging body and mind. Yet, I know there is new life to explore, renew and redraw. So, I ponder and prepare:

Where is my life trying to go?

What does my life require of me?

What does my life desire to become?

I can choose the elder phase to be a life of contraction or expansion. I can choose to “make way,” requiring me to let go of habituations that perpetuate old patterns and develop fresh practices of mindfulness – rather than mind-lessness. This much I know and it is far more exciting than retreading old paths.

I gladly honor and keep the sacred roles of son, brother, father, and friend.

But gladly retire from roles demanding I stand front and center to solve problems, teach, preach, and lead organizational change. I worked hard to be good at those things, so there is necessary effort and grief to experience if I can let go. But I know and trust the gift of new life after death follows. Already, I find art and poetry much more enjoyable.

---

Through this passage of aging, remains two paths of life in which we are to choose. The preference is to “be” is where the “person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither – whatever they do prospers.” (Ps 1)

To guide me in finding that spaciousness, I’ve begun a hopeful two-year program sponsored by the Oblate School of Theology in San Antonio. It uses the metaphor of forest-dwelling. Fr. Ron Rohlheiser and others lead it. I am joined by seventy other soul-companions worldwide.

As I enter this forest of exploration, community, and contemplation – I’ve prepared by identifying my intention, attention, and curiosity.

May fellow souls have patience with me and my slow walk.

 

In closing, We are each created in the likeness and image of the Creator. It takes unlearning to recognize that man’s words are totally inadequate to define who you are in the eyes of the Divine Creator. Consent to this Divine Presence and hold this life-giving, soul enriched creativity as sacred in your being.

If you could “let go” of a thing, habit, or belief that served you in the past but no longer: How would you “retire” or “re-draw” it with something new that generates new life?

May each day bring you to the One who abides in Love within your soul.