I held no expectation when I thought of writing to God each day during Lent. And to be honest, I had doubts I would follow through knowing reality has its way of negating my romantic ideas.
As it played out, I did not miss a day. Perhaps it had something to do with the isolation and slowing down of life brought on by the coronavirus shutdown.
When sitting for morning prayer, I would pick up my artist sketchbook and jot down whatever thoughts and feelings of the moment. Sometimes I would add a sketch for practice. It became a segue into my practice of Centering Prayer.
This blog picks up from an earlier blog titled “Writing to God – Part 1.” It continues on day 21 of this Lenten season through Easter Sunday.
Day 21 – Quiet Tuesday, my day to fast from the distractions of TV and music. May I fully appreciate the quiet. Help me Lord, to better recognize the madness of my inner noise and that of other men.
Day 22 – This sense of alone-ness and limiting interactions with the outside world and its activities is a timely imposition. I ask that it not be wasted. Allow it to form me in a new manner of living and seeing things.
Day 23 – Listening to the beautiful birdsongs this morning: Saw more neighbors out this morning. Wonderful to see. May this slowdown and less outside distraction afford me the peace to become more aware of your presence and love for me, and others.
Day 24 – Yesterday was a hilarious day watching and playing with the band of squirrel marauders finding ways to feed at the bird feeders. Today was a sleepy day. Beyond cooking, taking my walk, I couldn’t get going. I do like these simple days. Thank you.
Day 25 – Had a good long talk with my brother. It was due, and I am grateful. These past few nights have been restless for some reason. I don’t know why my body does not comfortably relax. Thank you for the silence, my Beloved. Help me to adjust and fall in love with it, especially at night.
Day 26 – I wake this day with a dose of eagerness to what fun and enjoyment lie ahead. Not sure what I would like to do first, after my coffee, of course. Now I sit quietly in your Presence that my soul may fly to you.
Day 27 – My thought stream is not Absolute or Reality. My experience with Centering Prayer has shown my stream of thoughts never stop flowing, and that I can at least be aware and break it, if for just a moment. It is where I sense your Presence most deeply.
Day 28 – I woke from a dream where I was homeless and lost in an unfamiliar area of town. I meandered through my days and nights with a shopping cart of belongings. To survive, I had to give my stuff away to ward off predators. I suppose the dream was because of tv movie I had watched two nights ago.
Day 29 – A beautiful morning: My mind is so full of ideas for my day. I get to play with creativity and spirit. I am at a new place in life that I am only beginning to experience new freedom – keep me in your Presence.
Day 30 – Woke from another dream: I was brought to a trailer house that was in the middle of a barnyard full of cows and pigs. And there were two dogs inside. It just did not make sense. King of my heart, may I remain fully awake to your holy Presence in both the silence and the noise of this day.
Day 31 – Yesterday was a blur: It seems I had more I wanted to do than time. I stayed home all day. Being bored or being too busy is not my favorite – Help me Lord to find the middle space today – and to find you there.
Day 32 – I am struggling with the hypocrisy of this world. Help me to see my hypocrisy. Help my will to move into your image.
Day 33 – I am grateful for the creative spirit within me. I believe it is your divine reflection in me and gift. Help me channel it so that it does not distract from your presence and care for my soul.
Day 34 – I woke from a dream where I accepted a job from the city mayor. Glad I woke. There seems to someone’s rooster on the loose in the subdivision – crowing big time. It brings me back to a not too happy moment from my past – my inner spirit is tense and not at peace. Help me in this moment of (dis) ease.
Day 35 – The thought of my prayer life has been on my mind since yesterday. I cannot imagine my life with speaking, thinking, and quieting my mind in the hopes of listening to You. Yet, I am still unsure of what prayer is. I desire you as my Beloved.
Day 36 – I am grateful for the early morning visit by the two cardinals outside my window. And on my morning walk, the woodpecker and the red-wing blackbirds. Although, someone dumping their crawfish shells, beer bottles, and trash along my walking route upset me. I pray for your Spirit, enkindle in them the fire of your Love for themselves, and others. And Lord, help me too.
Day 37 – Thank you for the inspiration of moving my bird feeders closer to my house. It has been a gift of your natural world, and I believe a fruit from having seen this done by some friends when I had made an impromptu visit some months back.
Day 38 – My waking thought this morning was the thought and decision to distance myself from hurtful relationships. I no longer need the reminders that their emails, nor do I want its emotional consequence. Today was a good day since I was able to resolve this issue in my life.
Day 39 – I surely miss my kids and grandkids during this virus shutdown. This morning was a struggle to silence my thoughts in prayer.
Beginning Holy Week
Saturday, Day 40 – Lord, my meditation will be your time spent with Mary, Martha, Lazarus, and disciples in upon your arrival in Bethany.
Palm Sunday, Day 41 – I can be so mentally engaged when I am problem-solving and creative arts. It can often drown out the outside world. On this day, help me Lord to do something good for others. Hossana!
Holy Monday, Day 44 – Lord, let the passing of each day allow for, at least, one moment of grace and gratitude. May today and each day be fruitful.
Holy Tuesday, Day 45 – Today, a day of household quiet, no TV, no music, no unnecessary noise. Simple home-grown solitude. Keep my yearning so that I may always return to you. I need silence and solitude today.
Holy Wednesday, Day 46 – Not much to write this morning. Lord, help me remain faithful to you and myself.
Holy Thursday, Day 47 – Why is it that my first thoughts from waking this morning are about those who have harmed me. Help me Lord, to forgive and heal.
Good Friday, Day 48 – Just an angry dream last night, and I do not know why??? I am just not so sure of the meaning of things anymore, and I am not so sure that is such a bad thing??? Help me Lord, to know and accept my frailties.
Holy Saturday, Day 49 – Waking up extra early this morning is lovely. The silence at 3 am is cherished time: a unique sense of stillness. It is a gift.
Easter Sunday, Day 50 – As I walked out the house this morning, hearing all the songbirds in their usual symphony: they have not thought of it being Sunday, or Easter Sunday, or any other day on the calendar. Why is it important to humans??? These are just human-made concepts. Consider what makes today any different than yesterday to the birds???
Or how bout those tree frogs who began their croaking only when it started to drizzle. I wondered whether I was going to get soaked. To the tree frogs, it was “Alleluia!”
Ps. Since the coronavirus lockdown, my drawing class has moved from the university studio to our homes. We were learning how to draw the human figure from live models. I live alone, so the approach has been to sketch myself by staring at a reflection in the mirror. I have produced several hilarious caricatures of myself, which evokes a bit of whimsical humility.
I hope to never take myself too seriously, especially regarding things that matter little in life. So, I end this very personal diary of my lenten season with one of my self “poor-traits.”
When I showed this image to my mom, she said it looks like her dad. Since my physical looks favor her dad, hairstyle and all, I guess those drawing classes are doing some good after all.
Peace be with you, Alleluia!
